Revan Journals 4

Malachor V Training Room, 1 week later
Revan was doing some basic training in one of the many dueling rooms at the Trayus Academy.  As she finished a set of moves, Chalcenia casually walked in. Revan gave the pureblood a puzzeled look as she watched her use the force to destroy the security camerags. Revan asked, "Chalcenia, what the...?"
Chalcenia quickly whispered, "Shhhh!!! I don't want anyone to know what's going on here."
Revan lowered her voice as well and said, "Is there any need for secrecy? Nobody cares if I talk to you."
Chalcenia turned and said, "There is a need if you want to escape. Now, if I let you go, can you make your way to a ship by yourself?"
Revan nodded, "Yes, I believe I could... but why?"
Chalcenia, "Technically, you are still an Imperial citizen. It is my duty to help and protect other Sith. Now, here are your Revan robes and your ligtsaber. Go, go!"
Revan replied, "I will do my best. Good luck and may the force be with you."
Revan ran as fast as she could. While she did run into a couple of sith patrols, they mostly disregarded her. She wondered about the lack of concern that one of their prisoners, but she quickly cast the curiosity aside. Finally, one Sith- a miraluka- noticed the escapee and drew her lightsabre. Revan leaped with her saber and used the techniques of the shien form to subdue her opponent quickly. She did not kill the miraluka, however. She only caused minor burns to her legs and arms to ensure she would not be followed.

As Revan continued down the hall, she overheard a conversation. In spite of time being of the essence, Revan leaned in to overhear the conversation. It appears Darth Traya was betrayed by her apprentices. I know how she feels, Revan thought to herself, Oh well, betrayal of some kind was inevitable here. Such is the way of the Sith.
Finally, Revan reached the hangar, and saw something that made her heart almost stop. The Ebon Hawk?! How... When she saw Juhani run out with T3 and Sera, Revan's heart leaped. She quickly ran to Juhani's arms and embraced her.

"I thought they had captured you..." Revan said in a low and hoarse voice.
Juhani replied, "No, love, they injured me but I was clearly not their prey."
Sera replied, "Revan, I sense that your former master has been betrayed. We must leave before the power struggle ensues."
Revan replied, "No, we can't leave by the Ebon Hawk as it would easily draw intention. Come, let's go to the other ships so that we can flee from here. I have an ally that can help us."

T3 spoke up in a variety of beats. Revan replied, "Good idea. You stay with the Ebon Hawk and go get help. We'll need more allies."

Revan took one glance at Malachor V before she ran into the ship and took it off the planet. Unfortunately, she didn't notice and old woman dressed in Jedi robes sneaking onto the Ebon Hawk. This woman, Kreia, was off to ensure that justice was served for all the indignities she has suffered at the force's hands...

Revan and her crew got aboard a Sith ship and were quickly contacted by Chalcenia. Chalcenia guided them to her ship and they quickly went into hyperspace. Although Revan knew that there would be tension between some of her crew and Chal, they really had no other choice and nowhere else to go.

Chalcenia lead them to a small conference room aboard her ship and got them all something to eat. When they settled with dinner in front of them, Chalcenia spoke up, "It is a pleasure to meet your friends, Revan.

Juhani replied,  "I wish I could say the same, Sith, but at the end of the day you are a Sith and we are Jedi. I fail to see what it is we could possibly have to talk how."
Revan looked at Juhani and frowned, "My darling, she has offered us refuge from the chaos and some protection from our enemies. We shouldn't judge her by what other sith have done."

Sera spoke up in agreement, "I agree. We don't need internal conflicts right now."
Chalcenia responded, "It's alright, ladies. I am used to fear and suspicion. However, I am the least of your worries. My master is the real threat. The Sith Emperor, also known as Darth Vitiate, can eat things through the force. He last used this technique to destroy his home world of Nathema.  The only reason the Sith follow him is because he blamed the Jedi and the Republic for it. I believe that once Drummond Kaas is done being useful it might suffer the same fate as the Emperor's home world."

Revan shook her head and replied, "What can we do?"

Juhani replied, "We need allies, and a plan. This enemy will not be defeated easily."
Revan nodded and said, "I agree, my love. I think we also need to prepare the Republic as best we can. I will contact Carth and Bastila regarding these new developments. I also want to stop by Canderous' home on Dxun and give him the Mandalore helmet."
Sera spoke up, "Revan, with your permission, I would like to see if I can find one of your generals."
Revan replied, "Which general, Sera?"
Sera smiled and said, "Mian, of course. She was your most trusted general besides Malak. Don't you remember?"

Revan shook her head, "I cannot recall her. I'm sure she's buried in my lost memories somewhere..."

Juhani put a hand on her lover's shoulder and said, "Don't dwell on it now, Revan. Today was a long one. Let's reconvene in the morning?"

Revan nodded and finished up her meal. Though she made excellent small talk, her mind was far away. When she heard the name Mian, a brief image of a nagai Jedi flashed across her mind. If Mian really followed her to war but not to destroy the Republic then she might be one of the best allies she will ever acquire.

The ally Revan was thinking of was Mian Ariel, the Jedi Exile. She went back to the council to answer for going to war and they exiled her. Now she is aimlessly wandering the galaxy and staying away from civilization as much as possible.

That would change one day while she was at a Republic docking station. The Customs Officer was of course asking her basic questions, "Name?"

"Mian Ariel."

The Customs Officer replied, "Very well, where would you like to go today?"

Mian quickly replied, "I don't care, anywhere."

The Customs Officer replied, "Well, you can get on The Peace Bringer, and get off at the Taris re-building effort. If you don't mind helping out for say four years, we can you free passage to Telos on the Harbinger."

Mian nodded, "Very well. It's been a while since I had a chance to help people."

The Ravager's Bridge
The Miraluka who fought Revan was recovering from her wounds when her master summoned her. Though his words were inaudible, she could still understand what he wanted her to say. She spoke, "Yes, my lord, we have detected these Jedi. Three of them have too much of a dark taint but one does not. She would be sufficient to sustain you...Very well, I shall make preparations for the one Jedi to be brought aboard."
The Miraluka turned and left her Master's presence. If she was going to catch up to Revan's ship, she must do so quickly.

Journal Entry 9
As I stand on the bridge of Chalcenia's ship, I find myself reflecting on the past week. I escaped Traya's Academy, got reunited with Juhani, and am now headed back to Republic space. A part of me wants to go back and resume a life that was rudely stolen from me, but another part of me wants me to stay here. After all, the being I saw in my vision is still out there waiting and plotting to take on the galaxy and destroy everything in his path.
I am intrigued by Chalcenia. She is nothing like any Sith I have ever met before: She wants to help a Jedi, is interested in the light side of the force, and treats her crew members with nothing less than dignity and respect. I look forward to getting to know her more. Perhaps she will be an excellent friend and an invaluable ally.
Sigh... There is nothing like looking out the window at the front of the bridge. It is definitely the best place to gather one's thoughts. Thankfully, it is the night shift, so no one will notice me composing this entry. I read back over all the journal entries I have made so far... It is fascinating how far we all have come since the battle on the Unknown World.  Bastila's mother has recovered and they are building a stronger relationship; Carth and Dustil are now leaders in the Republic military; and I'm coming to terms with my Revanite heritage and all that it entails.
The only one tiny black spot is Juhani. She is barely warming up to Chalcenia and she has been withdrawn ever since we escaped Malachor V. I suppose that Juhani will come to trust in time; she did eventually open to Canderous, after all. However, she'll never grow to trust her if she doesn't come out of her shell, a shell I believe someone has placed on her. It's almost as if something dark has engulfed her and she cannot escape it. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my love fell to the dark side again. Yet, that seems to be the only outcome as she refuses to let me in or let me help her. I'd like to say it's just the effects of Malachor or even being around Chalcenia, but the more I think about it the more I realize that something far more sinister is clouding her mind.
No, I cannot allow that fate to happen to her. I must discover what is clouding her mind before it consumes her.

Journal Entry 10
Well it was a long uphill climb but I finally got her to confide in me. It turns out she had a vision earlier that resulted in her being consumed by darkness. I cannot help but find myself at a loss for what or who the darkness was in her vision. Has the emperor made his move, or is this something far sinister, far hungrier? Either way, Juhani is almost convinced that something terrible is going to happen to her. That would be too cruel a twist of fate: I am reunited to Juhani only for her to be taken away...
No! I cannot allow that to happen. There has to be another way this vision will play out. There just has to be... No, must be careful. Too much emotional attachment can lead to the dark side and could be the death of us all. I will not fall to the dark side again. If I were to do such, everything we worked for will be in vain. Maybe I should ask Chalcenia about the vision my love had? Perhaps she knows what this darkness is and what it will have in store for us.

Chalcenia's Personal Log
My conversations with Revan have been interesting over the past week. Last week she came to me in order to discuss a vision her lover had regarding a darkness lurking beyond our view. From her description of this darkness, it did sound like Darth Vitiate but I think that is what the being in Juhani's vision wants us to think.
First, the darkness Revan described seemed out of control. While Darth Vitiate can absorb life, he is in reasonable control of his powers. The entity Revan described seems to not have ability but hunger that is barely kept within his bounds. If that is the case, this hunger will be looking to feed soon. Second, the Lord Vitiate has been in isolation for centuries, and given my research into the private archives, he has not left that geographical location.
From what she told me of the massacre on Kessel, I think that this darkness is responsible. During my meditation I discovered a similar occurrence on the planet Katarr. It seems that the planet has just died and is now a massive wound in the force... I have a feeling that whoever destroyed Kessel, destroyed this planet and could now be coming after us...but why? Why would a being that needs a planet to feed them come after my small ship with a minimal crew? Since all of us have some kind of dark taint, it would be pointless to consume us. Well, almost all of us have a dark taint. Juhani's brush with the dark side was not long enough to leave a lasting impression. Why would he seek a tiny little Jedi? Oh dear, this hungry animal is getting desperate...
I must inform Revan and Juhani!

Report of Mission to Ravager's Bridge by Jedi Knight Serea Apostolia
This is the full report regarding the loss of one of the Jedi approximately 1 year after the battle of the Star Forge, composed by Serea Apostolia of the Jedi Order. Accompanying this is my formal resignation from the Jedi Order. The attack on the Ravager began at 20:00h Galactic Day 4 of the 5th Galactic Month when the star ship Ravager attacked the Sith ship Fury.
While Chalcenia and I were on the bridge, a small stealth team composed of a single Miraluka invaded Juhani's chamber and kidnapped the Cathar Jedi and brought her aboard the Ravager to be interrogated by one of Darth Traya's apprentices. Upon discovery of her abduction, Chalcenia and I determined a course of action to rescue the Jedi. Our plan was for the two of us to board the ship covertly and make our way to the Ravager's bridge without detection.
Upon arriving on the Ravager we thoroughly searched the ship with minimal discovery. From closer inspection, this is an old vessel that survived the Mandalorian Wars and the Mass Shadow Generator of Malachor V. However, it is near the brink of complete destruction... It is unknown what is holding the ship together beyond the dark will of the master.
Unfortunately there was no sign of the Jedi Knight Juhani. Therefore, we proceeded to the bridge. When we arrived at the bridge Nihilus was standing at the head of it and Juhani was collapsed on the ground. As we approached Nihilus used the dark side to steal her life force from her. I saw this happen right before my eyes and Chalcenia will testify to that if need be.
Immediately Chalcenia incapacitated Nihilus with force lightening and I grabbed Juhani from him and we returned to Chalcenia's ship, but it was too late. Nihilus had already murdered her. We will be taking her to Dantooine and burying her.

Journal Entry 11
I don't know what to do... everything is so... the darkness is so blinding yet it is not the dark side of the force but the darkness of grief and the loss. I thought Juhani was dead months ago. Then we were re-united and now she's been stolen from me....
She looked so lifeless on the bridge... The life was stolen from her like she was no more than a pet to be discarded. How could I've let this happen?! How could I have allowed Juhani to be eaten by that monster!!! My love deserved better than what she received.... She. Deserved. BETTER!!!!

Nihilus.... You must pay!!! You must pay!!!!! YOU MUST PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Journal Entry 12
I have calmed down since I wrote the last entry. I have received some clarity regarding these emotions.  I have decided that I cannot let them rule me. Face these emotions, yes, but submit to their rule.
To that end, Nihilus must not pay... I will not fall to the dark side again. I must not fall to the dark side. That's the last thing my Juhani would have wanted. No, I must find peace in the force. I must see justice served... Unfortunately, justice cannot be served by me; for if I were to do so I would be seeking vengeance and that would only fail Juhani. Thankfully in my visions I have seen the one who will see justice served for Juhani, Katarr, Kessel, and all the other atrocities these Sith Lords have committed. It will only be a matter of time.
What Juhani would've wanted is for me to continue on the journey and stop the Emperor. After all if that's what Nihilus can do to one individual, then what more could the Emperor do?
I need the company of another. I will go to Chalcenia.

Chalcenia's Personal Log
Poor Revan; she deserved better than what fate has dealt her. She has worked so hard to redeem her past life, only to lose the love of her life in a fit of blind hunger... Sometimes I wonder where the justice is in the galaxy or how the force moves in all of this. Obviously it doesn't move very well if someone over 1500 years old asks the question still.
Revan came to me tonight and we talked for hours. She shared everything with me from her first meeting of Juhani at the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine to the last time they made love. Those two had a wonderful relationship. It almost makes me wish I had my mortality so I could enjoy that sort of thing. No point in becoming the lover of someone who you are just going to outlive.
During that time I tried to console Revan, and help her deal with her conflicting emotions. At first she seemed in denial of any and every intense and negative emotions, but you can only fool someone at my age and empathic abilities for so long. I tried to tell her that the best thing to do is to face her feelings and not deny what they are. Only from admitting comes eventual healing. I firmly believe her anger and hatred towards Nihilus can be used for good. I consoled her that these emotions can be reinvested towards bringing greater good to the galaxy. I think she understood where I was going with my words and was clearly comforted.
For now, I will take this Jedi under my wing. In spite of my reservation to emotional attachments because of my immortal status, I have come to care for her as a friend and she deserves all the help and company she can get. However, I cannot stay away from Drummond Kaas forever. My superiors within the Empire will be looking for me soon. I asked Revan if she wished to come along or if I should drop her off somewhere. At first she was unsure but she confirmed that she wished to go. Perhaps this will be good for her as she'll get away from all the pressures the Republic wishes to place on her. Little do they know how much Revan is a woman with her own agenda.

Journal Entry 13- Return to Drummond Kaas (1 week after Juhani's Death)
So, this is Kaas City, the capital of the Sith Empire. As I stretch out my senses, I can see that the Sith are a united people under the one goal of vengeance and dominance. I cannot help but wonder if I am no more than a potential dark side user waiting to be pushed over the cliff of seduction and plunged into the force's darkest depths... It is quite unnerving.
Before we left for Drummond Kaas, I ensured to settle unfinished business. I gave Canderous the Mandalore helmet, ensured that Carth and Bastila would continue building the Republic, and sent my report of Juhani's death to Master Atris. Hopefully giving the report to her wasn't a mistake, as I have always been suspicious of the woman, but no other Jedi Master could be found right away and I do not have the luxury of time to go searching for them. I told her to give it to the other Jedi Masters in the order.
Chalcenia assured me that things are not always what they seem, and though the dark side is the norm, there are still specks of light within the Empire. This is good to know as we will need all the allies that we can gather together. Perhaps there have always been ancient Sith who used the light side, but simply deviated from the Jedi Code. If so, perhaps I should become one of them?
Yes, that is what I will do. I will stay here and become a Sith again, but not in the same way I did last time. First, I'll have to leave my Revan name behind and adopt the name Serea Apostolia permanently. Chalcenia said she could pull her strings and make me an official citizen of the Empire. She believes with time, I could even train to become a Warrior within the Empire. I believe I will take her up on the offer. As much as the Jedi wish to disagree, there is nothing with improving your skills and striving to be the best you can be provided you keep it in balance with your duty towards others.
Perhaps I am on Drummond Kaas for healing and to come to terms with my life so far.  If anything, I can now truly face who I was and what I had done as the Dark Lord; come to terms with what I've lost, gained, and destroyed; and I can move forward into the future. Never thought that the Sith Capital is a place of reflection, but then again Sith society is in many ways about moving on from the past and into the future. Speaking of the past...
Juhani has come to me in my dreams. Some are dreams of the past while others are her ghost talking to me about the present and what's to come. Some days I forget she is dead and I will simply turn around expecting to see her walk through the door any minute now. I think this is the first time I have truly grieved the loss of someone. During the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi Civil War I had to harden my heart and refuse to allow any emotional response to penetrate my soul beyond anger and hatred. Now, I must face these emotions and deal with them as they come.
Thankfully, I have a new friend in Chalcenia. She has been nothing but helpful, kind, and friendly to me ever since we met.  She also has an amazing sense of humour! I guess with age comes excellent jokes! I look forward to working with her as I work my way through the ranks in my new home and faction. Hopefully we can stall things long enough for the Republic to be ready. Unfortunately the Republic's readiness is dependent on Carth, Bastila, the Jedi and the rest of the government.  Hopefully they've heeded my warnings and are preparing as I write this. If not, it will spell certain doom for the Republic that has stood for over a 1000 years.
Now, I must get to bed. Training begins tomorrow. I hope to build up my muscular strength and endurance levels. Perhaps I will one day become the one on the front lines and defending my allies within the Empire? Who knows, we'll see.

Entry 13
I haven't written in this for over a month years. That is partially because I have been busy with the training I spoke about in the last entry. But the main reason for my absence is because of the information I received through a vision. Remember what I said about recovering from Juhani's death quickly? Total fabrication by my mind! It turns out, Nihilus was created by the Mass Shadow Generator that detonated Malachor V- a machine that I ordered created and fired...
That's right, ultimately I saw one of my most hideous of creations destroy the love of my life before my very eyes. This past month has been the worst one of my life as far as I can remember. I didn't know what to think or how to feel or what to believe. Just when I thought I had come to terms with my past, it turns around and slaps me in the face. I shouldn't dwell on this as this hate bubbling in me towards myself can lead to the dark side just as much as I hating Nihilus would, yet... what can I do?
Oh, I'm so tired from today. Re-phrase that: I am tired from the month. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a month. I keep getting nightmares of me ordering the Mass Shadow Generator created and then it shifting to the ultimate result. How many other monsters did I create? Malak, Nihilus, Traya... how many other people lost their beloveds to my foolish quest to protect the Republic at all costs?     Well, Carth lost his wife, as did countless others... Dantooine, Taris... How many people died that Mission cared about?
Oh... the force... What have I done? What have I done?

Chalcenia's Personal Log
Serea really is a kind and loving woman. She is also a very broken and depressed woman. How she barely holds it together, I don't know. She has been very distraught lately. She works out for practically hours un-end, she's barely eaten for over a month, and I practically wake up every night to her terrified from the nightmares. The poor woman...
I don't know what to do as she won't talk to me. She was doing fine and enjoying life on Dromund Kaas with me up until a month ago. Then she emerged from her room shaken and in tears. When I tried to comfort her, she would have none of it. Whatever she dreamt about was obviously too much for her to bear. I just hope she doesn't fall back to her darker ways again...She's too beautiful and too wonderful to deserve that...
Haha! Look at me, an immortal woman becoming a bit infatuated with a mortal woman; never mind a Sith who doesn't want to fall back to the darkside. I pray no one in my family reads about this. They might be a bit disgusted with me. Ah well, I have 0 interest in pursuing these feelings as it would be foolish of me to do so.  Why get that attached to someone only to outlive them? That kind of pain should only be endured once, and I endured it when I lost my grandmother many centuries ago.
That doesn't mean I won't be friends with Serea, oh no. It just means I've drawn the line and it shall not be crossed.

Entry 14
It's been over a year since I last wrote an entry... almost 5 since the end of the Jedi Civil War. At the beginning I was Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith. I was sure and confident in myself. I was the ruler of an Empire destined to dominate. Now, almost a decade has passed, and what am I?  I am a depressed, nervous wreck that just gets worse one day at a time.
I haven't told Chal what I've been going through. Normally I would've, but she's been so kind and loving to me... I don't wish to over stay my welcome nor make her repulsed by my actions. I know this is an irrational fear, as we are in the heart of the Sith Empire, but still I cannot help my emotions these days.
I finally ate a half-decent meal today. I've lost so much weight, it is unbelievable. Yesterday I passed out from doing basic exercise routines- Basic routines!! Waking up in the doctor's office, I learned I have to slow down and start eating better. I don't want to fade into practically nothing... After all, I have my duties to fulfill and I wouldn't want to leave Chalcenia, beautiful Chalcenia...
What am I doing?! Chalcenia and I... no, no! I cannot and I will not move on from Juhani. She deserves better than that. I know I shouldn't hold on but... the love of my life died BECAUSE OF ME!!!! For that I don't deserve to have another love and I won't another love. Yes, forever single until the day I die... that is the only path for me in terms of romance. Friends, yes, but lovers...No, I'd be betraying who Juhani was, who she and I were...
Bah! Why do I continue writing in this? I need to get back to training. The Empire won't reform itself, after all.

Serea Apostolia, Chalcenia, Mian [c] vadess40
Revan, Juhani, Sith Empire, and all references to SWTOR and KOTOR [c] LucasArts and Bioware
Jedi Exile/ Jedi General [c] Obsidian, LucasArts
Sera Degana [c] silveredge9