Revan Journals 5

Jedi Exile Log 1

These are the records of Mian Ariel, Jedi Weapons Master and founder of the resurrected Jedi order. Now that a new council has been formed I feel I must ensure that the order’s history is preserved. In this log entry I will record what has transpired in recent history and what the plan is for moving forward.

The last remnants of the Sith Triumvirate have been defeated, as well as the last pockets of Revan’s Sith Empire.  Those who have been captured, including former Jedi Master Atris, are now facing trial for treason and will be processed quickly through the courts. However, the Empress that started this whole mess has yet to show herself. From what I understand, Revan has been missing for 3 years and shows no signs of returning.

As one of her former generals, I understand much about her; however, I don’t understand this. I cannot understand why she would simply disappear without a trace. Was this disappearance on purpose? Revan always did cover her tracks... But running away simply isn’t her. Hmmm... I must investigate this further.  The Jedi Order needs to be rebuilt and I could use all the help I can get. If Revan’s location can be determined and she can be brought back, then the Jedi will have one more mentor to train new recruits. Perhaps there are clues in the Jedi Temple’s archives or security camera’s regarding what happened to her? Tomorrow I will investigate there.

Jedi Exile Log 2

Today was a fruitful day. Upon investigating the Jedi Temple logs and cameras, I discovered that Revan was captured and taken to Malachor V. She was there for a year and then resigned from the Jedi Order. After this, there are no further signs of her attempting to contact the Republic nor does she ever land on any Republic worlds.

From my investigation, it would seem that she hasn’t changed since the war. From reading her report, I think she resigned because she blamed the Jedi on what happened to Juhani, a companion of hers.  She constantly did this during the Mandalorian Wars, The Jedi did this... the Jedi did that...  to the Jedi Council, not the Jedi would joined her, being the one’s responsible for the battle being a failure.  However, I mustn’t be too hard on her. It’s not easy witnessing the death of a friend, but it is easy to cast the blame of that friend’s death to anyone and everyone in the galaxy.

Tomorrow I’ll meet with Matilda, one of my closest friends in the Revanchist. She said she could expand on the information I’ve gathered and perhaps give a clue as to Revan’s whereabouts. Let’s hope she’s not here to play games. She was, after all, one of my first friends to follow Revan all the way into the distant sunset and re-emerge as a Sith.

Jedi Exile Log 3

So, it turns out Kreia wasn’t lying about something: Revan did venture into the Unknown Regions. What is it with her and travelling there? Let’s hope a mass fleet doesn’t join her for the return trip this time. Carth and Matilda, now Sera Degana, have told me that she has changed now and isn’t the cold, hardened war monger that I once knew. Well, I’ll believe their words when and/or if I see Revan again.

However, I will give Rev the benefit of the doubt. This benefit is not given blindly. Did you know Revan had a lover? She and Juhani got romantically involved quickly after the Jedi Civil War ended. I remember a time when she wanted nothing to do with romantic attachments and believed those who did were weak fools.  In fact, she didn’t like personal attachments at all. If you weren’t Malak, Sera, or myself you were just another grunt at best or an expendable one at worst. If Revan truly has changed, then perhaps I should go after her?

This is something I’ve thought about quite a bit. Should I venture from known space in search of the famous prodigal knight, Revan?  A part of me wants to see this “new Revan” first hand, but if I were to chase after her, I would fulfill my traitorous master’s dying wish...  No, I will not give Kreia that satisfaction. Furthermore, I’m my own person and I refuse to keep chasing after Revan. Anyway, my investigation was more for settling curiosity, not preparation for a woman hunt. Now that I have a better hint of Revan’s whereabouts, I can present it to the Jedi Council, and that should be the end of the issue. 

Jedi Exile Log 4

Today the Jedi Council met. We discussed the people who were captured and my investigation into Revan’s whereabouts. The few people that were captured were remnants of Revan’s Empire. For the most part, we’ve decided to put them in the best maximum security prisons the Republic has to offer. We also decided that Master Atris will share their fate. We reasoned to treat her otherwise could risk giving the impression that a redeemed fallen Jedi was above the law and gets special treatment.

In regards to my investigation, nobody really knows what should be done. Some believe Revan should be found. She has too many secrets that need to remain secret.  She betrayed us once, what makes us think she won’t do so again? Other people said we should leave her alone. If she wants to be up and gone without a trace, then who are we to stop her? After all, we must use our resources to rebuild the Jedi Order and the Republic, not some lost gal.

A few Jedi thought I should go after her. Brianna’s logic was that I know Revan the most, have explored more of the outer rim and beyond, and I was the most experienced.  Other Jedi, like Mical and Visa, voiced against me departing. I’m needed here and to leave at such a critical hour could open up the possibility for the new Jedi Order to collapse.  This part of the discussion caused conflicting emotions and thoughts to develop within me. A part of me wants to go after her but the Jedi Order needs me. Should I really leave now, at such a critical hour? Is there even a Revan worth finding in deep space?

I have no idea. I should sleep and this and decide tomorrow morning. After all, this decision shouldn’t be made lightly. I have feeling either option will have consequences for my life and potentially the galaxy’s.

Jedi Exile Log 5

I’ve been a bit busy to write in here lately. Why? I’m on the Orion heading towards Deep Space with Sera Degana. That’s right, I’m off to find Revan and try to bring her back to the Republic. I’m fulfilling Kreia’s dying wish, as well as the will of the council, and satisfying my own curiosity. Nothing like another adventure... Am I   thrilled about it? Not in a million years.

I can’t believe I’m running after Revan again! It’s like the force has doomed me to forever follow after Revan, regardless of whether it’s a voluntary move on my part. I went to fight in the Mandalorian Wars because I wanted to defend the innocent and protect the helpless from an occupying force.  Now, I’m sent out by a new Jedi Council that I firmly believe needs my help more than Revan does.

Sigh... I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Revan is my friend, after all- or rather, she was my friend. I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years. 10 years ago  the Mandalorian Wars ended and I remember what happened after Malachor V. Revan came to me all full of pride: The Mass Shadow Generator was a huge success and now it was time to chase the enemy further into deep space.

She said to me, “Mian, smile won’t you? We did it! The enemy has been defeated completely and utterly. Come celebrate with me.”

I didn’t answer right away, for I didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted to smile back and go join the parties. However, another part of me knew that something wasn’t right about my senses... It was almost as if they had been warped. There was also another part that was disgusted at what I had done. Finally I replied, “Revan... I’m not sure I want to go celebrate with you. At least not right now...”

Revan replied, “Why? Your order solidified our victory! You should be proud. You didn’t hold back...”

I replied to her, “Yeah, and I laid waste to the Mandalorians, slaughtered practically three-quarters of the Republic fleet, and destroyed a planet...”

Revan interrupted me, “Mian, don’t talk like that. The Mandalorians did worse on other worlds. It’s about time they got a good taste of their own medicine. Vengeance is sweet, isn’t it?”

I was shocked that she said that but I wasn’t surprised. She had done nothing but get worse and worse as the war carried on. I finally asked her, “You’re proud of what I did- of what we did? Oh my... You’re happy that good and loyal soldiers were destroyed? You’re proud that we became the enemy we sought out to defeat?”

Revan replied, “I am. Shouldn’t you be? Not only did we destroy the enemy, but we also got rid of soldiers that used up their purpose. All in all, a win-win situation...”

“Can you not hear yourself? They were our men, living beings!! And you just sat back and allowed them to be slaughtered... I cannot believe I saw this through to the end. I can’t believe that I actually...”

Revan replied, “You’re acting like I’ve become a monster. I am only a general in the Republic military. Personally, I cannot believe that I’m hearing all this from you. Don’t forget, if it weren’t for us the Mandalorians would’ve won and we’d be under their rule.”

I looked her into her masked eyes and said, “I don’t know what I’d prefer, Revan: The Mandalorians ruling the Republic or this victory, because either way we've become exactly what we sought to destroy in the end.”

Revan removed her infamous mask to look me in the eye and said, “What are you saying Mian? Are you walking away from me?”

I replied, “No. I’m walking away from what you’ve become. I’m leaving the Revanchist, Revan! I refuse to go with you into deep space and I will not try to explain away what we’ve become. No, I’ll go somewhere, anywhere but I won’t stay here!”

With that I turned around and stormed off the bridge. I quickly went to my quarters and gathered anything and I needed and hopped on the fastest ship in the hangar with light speed capabilities and flew away. Revan tried to hail my ship a few of times, but I disregarded any and every transmission she sent.  It wasn’t until 5 months later that I went back to the Jedi Council to stand trial for my actions. Even to this day, I still cannot understand why I did what I did... I can’t even tell people whether or not I even think following Revan to war was a great idea. All I can say is that I will not run away from what became of that decision and the person it built me into today.

Well, Revan, all I can say is that I better not be following the woman I left behind all those years ago. Otherwise, I’ll just turn around, and forget your very existence.

Revan Journals 4

Malachor V Training Room, 1 week later
Revan was doing some basic training in one of the many dueling rooms at the Trayus Academy.  As she finished a set of moves, Chalcenia casually walked in. Revan gave the pureblood a puzzeled look as she watched her use the force to destroy the security camerags. Revan asked, "Chalcenia, what the...?"
Chalcenia quickly whispered, "Shhhh!!! I don't want anyone to know what's going on here."
Revan lowered her voice as well and said, "Is there any need for secrecy? Nobody cares if I talk to you."
Chalcenia turned and said, "There is a need if you want to escape. Now, if I let you go, can you make your way to a ship by yourself?"
Revan nodded, "Yes, I believe I could... but why?"
Chalcenia, "Technically, you are still an Imperial citizen. It is my duty to help and protect other Sith. Now, here are your Revan robes and your ligtsaber. Go, go!"
Revan replied, "I will do my best. Good luck and may the force be with you."
Revan ran as fast as she could. While she did run into a couple of sith patrols, they mostly disregarded her. She wondered about the lack of concern that one of their prisoners, but she quickly cast the curiosity aside. Finally, one Sith- a miraluka- noticed the escapee and drew her lightsabre. Revan leaped with her saber and used the techniques of the shien form to subdue her opponent quickly. She did not kill the miraluka, however. She only caused minor burns to her legs and arms to ensure she would not be followed.

As Revan continued down the hall, she overheard a conversation. In spite of time being of the essence, Revan leaned in to overhear the conversation. It appears Darth Traya was betrayed by her apprentices. I know how she feels, Revan thought to herself, Oh well, betrayal of some kind was inevitable here. Such is the way of the Sith.
Finally, Revan reached the hangar, and saw something that made her heart almost stop. The Ebon Hawk?! How... When she saw Juhani run out with T3 and Sera, Revan's heart leaped. She quickly ran to Juhani's arms and embraced her.

"I thought they had captured you..." Revan said in a low and hoarse voice.
Juhani replied, "No, love, they injured me but I was clearly not their prey."
Sera replied, "Revan, I sense that your former master has been betrayed. We must leave before the power struggle ensues."
Revan replied, "No, we can't leave by the Ebon Hawk as it would easily draw intention. Come, let's go to the other ships so that we can flee from here. I have an ally that can help us."

T3 spoke up in a variety of beats. Revan replied, "Good idea. You stay with the Ebon Hawk and go get help. We'll need more allies."

Revan took one glance at Malachor V before she ran into the ship and took it off the planet. Unfortunately, she didn't notice and old woman dressed in Jedi robes sneaking onto the Ebon Hawk. This woman, Kreia, was off to ensure that justice was served for all the indignities she has suffered at the force's hands...

Revan and her crew got aboard a Sith ship and were quickly contacted by Chalcenia. Chalcenia guided them to her ship and they quickly went into hyperspace. Although Revan knew that there would be tension between some of her crew and Chal, they really had no other choice and nowhere else to go.

Chalcenia lead them to a small conference room aboard her ship and got them all something to eat. When they settled with dinner in front of them, Chalcenia spoke up, "It is a pleasure to meet your friends, Revan.

Juhani replied,  "I wish I could say the same, Sith, but at the end of the day you are a Sith and we are Jedi. I fail to see what it is we could possibly have to talk how."
Revan looked at Juhani and frowned, "My darling, she has offered us refuge from the chaos and some protection from our enemies. We shouldn't judge her by what other sith have done."

Sera spoke up in agreement, "I agree. We don't need internal conflicts right now."
Chalcenia responded, "It's alright, ladies. I am used to fear and suspicion. However, I am the least of your worries. My master is the real threat. The Sith Emperor, also known as Darth Vitiate, can eat things through the force. He last used this technique to destroy his home world of Nathema.  The only reason the Sith follow him is because he blamed the Jedi and the Republic for it. I believe that once Drummond Kaas is done being useful it might suffer the same fate as the Emperor's home world."

Revan shook her head and replied, "What can we do?"

Juhani replied, "We need allies, and a plan. This enemy will not be defeated easily."
Revan nodded and said, "I agree, my love. I think we also need to prepare the Republic as best we can. I will contact Carth and Bastila regarding these new developments. I also want to stop by Canderous' home on Dxun and give him the Mandalore helmet."
Sera spoke up, "Revan, with your permission, I would like to see if I can find one of your generals."
Revan replied, "Which general, Sera?"
Sera smiled and said, "Mian, of course. She was your most trusted general besides Malak. Don't you remember?"

Revan shook her head, "I cannot recall her. I'm sure she's buried in my lost memories somewhere..."

Juhani put a hand on her lover's shoulder and said, "Don't dwell on it now, Revan. Today was a long one. Let's reconvene in the morning?"

Revan nodded and finished up her meal. Though she made excellent small talk, her mind was far away. When she heard the name Mian, a brief image of a nagai Jedi flashed across her mind. If Mian really followed her to war but not to destroy the Republic then she might be one of the best allies she will ever acquire.

The ally Revan was thinking of was Mian Ariel, the Jedi Exile. She went back to the council to answer for going to war and they exiled her. Now she is aimlessly wandering the galaxy and staying away from civilization as much as possible.

That would change one day while she was at a Republic docking station. The Customs Officer was of course asking her basic questions, "Name?"

"Mian Ariel."

The Customs Officer replied, "Very well, where would you like to go today?"

Mian quickly replied, "I don't care, anywhere."

The Customs Officer replied, "Well, you can get on The Peace Bringer, and get off at the Taris re-building effort. If you don't mind helping out for say four years, we can you free passage to Telos on the Harbinger."

Mian nodded, "Very well. It's been a while since I had a chance to help people."

The Ravager's Bridge
The Miraluka who fought Revan was recovering from her wounds when her master summoned her. Though his words were inaudible, she could still understand what he wanted her to say. She spoke, "Yes, my lord, we have detected these Jedi. Three of them have too much of a dark taint but one does not. She would be sufficient to sustain you...Very well, I shall make preparations for the one Jedi to be brought aboard."
The Miraluka turned and left her Master's presence. If she was going to catch up to Revan's ship, she must do so quickly.

Journal Entry 9
As I stand on the bridge of Chalcenia's ship, I find myself reflecting on the past week. I escaped Traya's Academy, got reunited with Juhani, and am now headed back to Republic space. A part of me wants to go back and resume a life that was rudely stolen from me, but another part of me wants me to stay here. After all, the being I saw in my vision is still out there waiting and plotting to take on the galaxy and destroy everything in his path.
I am intrigued by Chalcenia. She is nothing like any Sith I have ever met before: She wants to help a Jedi, is interested in the light side of the force, and treats her crew members with nothing less than dignity and respect. I look forward to getting to know her more. Perhaps she will be an excellent friend and an invaluable ally.
Sigh... There is nothing like looking out the window at the front of the bridge. It is definitely the best place to gather one's thoughts. Thankfully, it is the night shift, so no one will notice me composing this entry. I read back over all the journal entries I have made so far... It is fascinating how far we all have come since the battle on the Unknown World.  Bastila's mother has recovered and they are building a stronger relationship; Carth and Dustil are now leaders in the Republic military; and I'm coming to terms with my Revanite heritage and all that it entails.
The only one tiny black spot is Juhani. She is barely warming up to Chalcenia and she has been withdrawn ever since we escaped Malachor V. I suppose that Juhani will come to trust in time; she did eventually open to Canderous, after all. However, she'll never grow to trust her if she doesn't come out of her shell, a shell I believe someone has placed on her. It's almost as if something dark has engulfed her and she cannot escape it. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my love fell to the dark side again. Yet, that seems to be the only outcome as she refuses to let me in or let me help her. I'd like to say it's just the effects of Malachor or even being around Chalcenia, but the more I think about it the more I realize that something far more sinister is clouding her mind.
No, I cannot allow that fate to happen to her. I must discover what is clouding her mind before it consumes her.

Journal Entry 10
Well it was a long uphill climb but I finally got her to confide in me. It turns out she had a vision earlier that resulted in her being consumed by darkness. I cannot help but find myself at a loss for what or who the darkness was in her vision. Has the emperor made his move, or is this something far sinister, far hungrier? Either way, Juhani is almost convinced that something terrible is going to happen to her. That would be too cruel a twist of fate: I am reunited to Juhani only for her to be taken away...
No! I cannot allow that to happen. There has to be another way this vision will play out. There just has to be... No, must be careful. Too much emotional attachment can lead to the dark side and could be the death of us all. I will not fall to the dark side again. If I were to do such, everything we worked for will be in vain. Maybe I should ask Chalcenia about the vision my love had? Perhaps she knows what this darkness is and what it will have in store for us.

Chalcenia's Personal Log
My conversations with Revan have been interesting over the past week. Last week she came to me in order to discuss a vision her lover had regarding a darkness lurking beyond our view. From her description of this darkness, it did sound like Darth Vitiate but I think that is what the being in Juhani's vision wants us to think.
First, the darkness Revan described seemed out of control. While Darth Vitiate can absorb life, he is in reasonable control of his powers. The entity Revan described seems to not have ability but hunger that is barely kept within his bounds. If that is the case, this hunger will be looking to feed soon. Second, the Lord Vitiate has been in isolation for centuries, and given my research into the private archives, he has not left that geographical location.
From what she told me of the massacre on Kessel, I think that this darkness is responsible. During my meditation I discovered a similar occurrence on the planet Katarr. It seems that the planet has just died and is now a massive wound in the force... I have a feeling that whoever destroyed Kessel, destroyed this planet and could now be coming after us...but why? Why would a being that needs a planet to feed them come after my small ship with a minimal crew? Since all of us have some kind of dark taint, it would be pointless to consume us. Well, almost all of us have a dark taint. Juhani's brush with the dark side was not long enough to leave a lasting impression. Why would he seek a tiny little Jedi? Oh dear, this hungry animal is getting desperate...
I must inform Revan and Juhani!

Report of Mission to Ravager's Bridge by Jedi Knight Serea Apostolia
This is the full report regarding the loss of one of the Jedi approximately 1 year after the battle of the Star Forge, composed by Serea Apostolia of the Jedi Order. Accompanying this is my formal resignation from the Jedi Order. The attack on the Ravager began at 20:00h Galactic Day 4 of the 5th Galactic Month when the star ship Ravager attacked the Sith ship Fury.
While Chalcenia and I were on the bridge, a small stealth team composed of a single Miraluka invaded Juhani's chamber and kidnapped the Cathar Jedi and brought her aboard the Ravager to be interrogated by one of Darth Traya's apprentices. Upon discovery of her abduction, Chalcenia and I determined a course of action to rescue the Jedi. Our plan was for the two of us to board the ship covertly and make our way to the Ravager's bridge without detection.
Upon arriving on the Ravager we thoroughly searched the ship with minimal discovery. From closer inspection, this is an old vessel that survived the Mandalorian Wars and the Mass Shadow Generator of Malachor V. However, it is near the brink of complete destruction... It is unknown what is holding the ship together beyond the dark will of the master.
Unfortunately there was no sign of the Jedi Knight Juhani. Therefore, we proceeded to the bridge. When we arrived at the bridge Nihilus was standing at the head of it and Juhani was collapsed on the ground. As we approached Nihilus used the dark side to steal her life force from her. I saw this happen right before my eyes and Chalcenia will testify to that if need be.
Immediately Chalcenia incapacitated Nihilus with force lightening and I grabbed Juhani from him and we returned to Chalcenia's ship, but it was too late. Nihilus had already murdered her. We will be taking her to Dantooine and burying her.

Journal Entry 11
I don't know what to do... everything is so... the darkness is so blinding yet it is not the dark side of the force but the darkness of grief and the loss. I thought Juhani was dead months ago. Then we were re-united and now she's been stolen from me....
She looked so lifeless on the bridge... The life was stolen from her like she was no more than a pet to be discarded. How could I've let this happen?! How could I have allowed Juhani to be eaten by that monster!!! My love deserved better than what she received.... She. Deserved. BETTER!!!!

Nihilus.... You must pay!!! You must pay!!!!! YOU MUST PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Journal Entry 12
I have calmed down since I wrote the last entry. I have received some clarity regarding these emotions.  I have decided that I cannot let them rule me. Face these emotions, yes, but submit to their rule.
To that end, Nihilus must not pay... I will not fall to the dark side again. I must not fall to the dark side. That's the last thing my Juhani would have wanted. No, I must find peace in the force. I must see justice served... Unfortunately, justice cannot be served by me; for if I were to do so I would be seeking vengeance and that would only fail Juhani. Thankfully in my visions I have seen the one who will see justice served for Juhani, Katarr, Kessel, and all the other atrocities these Sith Lords have committed. It will only be a matter of time.
What Juhani would've wanted is for me to continue on the journey and stop the Emperor. After all if that's what Nihilus can do to one individual, then what more could the Emperor do?
I need the company of another. I will go to Chalcenia.

Chalcenia's Personal Log
Poor Revan; she deserved better than what fate has dealt her. She has worked so hard to redeem her past life, only to lose the love of her life in a fit of blind hunger... Sometimes I wonder where the justice is in the galaxy or how the force moves in all of this. Obviously it doesn't move very well if someone over 1500 years old asks the question still.
Revan came to me tonight and we talked for hours. She shared everything with me from her first meeting of Juhani at the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine to the last time they made love. Those two had a wonderful relationship. It almost makes me wish I had my mortality so I could enjoy that sort of thing. No point in becoming the lover of someone who you are just going to outlive.
During that time I tried to console Revan, and help her deal with her conflicting emotions. At first she seemed in denial of any and every intense and negative emotions, but you can only fool someone at my age and empathic abilities for so long. I tried to tell her that the best thing to do is to face her feelings and not deny what they are. Only from admitting comes eventual healing. I firmly believe her anger and hatred towards Nihilus can be used for good. I consoled her that these emotions can be reinvested towards bringing greater good to the galaxy. I think she understood where I was going with my words and was clearly comforted.
For now, I will take this Jedi under my wing. In spite of my reservation to emotional attachments because of my immortal status, I have come to care for her as a friend and she deserves all the help and company she can get. However, I cannot stay away from Drummond Kaas forever. My superiors within the Empire will be looking for me soon. I asked Revan if she wished to come along or if I should drop her off somewhere. At first she was unsure but she confirmed that she wished to go. Perhaps this will be good for her as she'll get away from all the pressures the Republic wishes to place on her. Little do they know how much Revan is a woman with her own agenda.

Journal Entry 13- Return to Drummond Kaas (1 week after Juhani's Death)
So, this is Kaas City, the capital of the Sith Empire. As I stretch out my senses, I can see that the Sith are a united people under the one goal of vengeance and dominance. I cannot help but wonder if I am no more than a potential dark side user waiting to be pushed over the cliff of seduction and plunged into the force's darkest depths... It is quite unnerving.
Before we left for Drummond Kaas, I ensured to settle unfinished business. I gave Canderous the Mandalore helmet, ensured that Carth and Bastila would continue building the Republic, and sent my report of Juhani's death to Master Atris. Hopefully giving the report to her wasn't a mistake, as I have always been suspicious of the woman, but no other Jedi Master could be found right away and I do not have the luxury of time to go searching for them. I told her to give it to the other Jedi Masters in the order.
Chalcenia assured me that things are not always what they seem, and though the dark side is the norm, there are still specks of light within the Empire. This is good to know as we will need all the allies that we can gather together. Perhaps there have always been ancient Sith who used the light side, but simply deviated from the Jedi Code. If so, perhaps I should become one of them?
Yes, that is what I will do. I will stay here and become a Sith again, but not in the same way I did last time. First, I'll have to leave my Revan name behind and adopt the name Serea Apostolia permanently. Chalcenia said she could pull her strings and make me an official citizen of the Empire. She believes with time, I could even train to become a Warrior within the Empire. I believe I will take her up on the offer. As much as the Jedi wish to disagree, there is nothing with improving your skills and striving to be the best you can be provided you keep it in balance with your duty towards others.
Perhaps I am on Drummond Kaas for healing and to come to terms with my life so far.  If anything, I can now truly face who I was and what I had done as the Dark Lord; come to terms with what I've lost, gained, and destroyed; and I can move forward into the future. Never thought that the Sith Capital is a place of reflection, but then again Sith society is in many ways about moving on from the past and into the future. Speaking of the past...
Juhani has come to me in my dreams. Some are dreams of the past while others are her ghost talking to me about the present and what's to come. Some days I forget she is dead and I will simply turn around expecting to see her walk through the door any minute now. I think this is the first time I have truly grieved the loss of someone. During the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi Civil War I had to harden my heart and refuse to allow any emotional response to penetrate my soul beyond anger and hatred. Now, I must face these emotions and deal with them as they come.
Thankfully, I have a new friend in Chalcenia. She has been nothing but helpful, kind, and friendly to me ever since we met.  She also has an amazing sense of humour! I guess with age comes excellent jokes! I look forward to working with her as I work my way through the ranks in my new home and faction. Hopefully we can stall things long enough for the Republic to be ready. Unfortunately the Republic's readiness is dependent on Carth, Bastila, the Jedi and the rest of the government.  Hopefully they've heeded my warnings and are preparing as I write this. If not, it will spell certain doom for the Republic that has stood for over a 1000 years.
Now, I must get to bed. Training begins tomorrow. I hope to build up my muscular strength and endurance levels. Perhaps I will one day become the one on the front lines and defending my allies within the Empire? Who knows, we'll see.

Entry 13
I haven't written in this for over a month years. That is partially because I have been busy with the training I spoke about in the last entry. But the main reason for my absence is because of the information I received through a vision. Remember what I said about recovering from Juhani's death quickly? Total fabrication by my mind! It turns out, Nihilus was created by the Mass Shadow Generator that detonated Malachor V- a machine that I ordered created and fired...
That's right, ultimately I saw one of my most hideous of creations destroy the love of my life before my very eyes. This past month has been the worst one of my life as far as I can remember. I didn't know what to think or how to feel or what to believe. Just when I thought I had come to terms with my past, it turns around and slaps me in the face. I shouldn't dwell on this as this hate bubbling in me towards myself can lead to the dark side just as much as I hating Nihilus would, yet... what can I do?
Oh, I'm so tired from today. Re-phrase that: I am tired from the month. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a month. I keep getting nightmares of me ordering the Mass Shadow Generator created and then it shifting to the ultimate result. How many other monsters did I create? Malak, Nihilus, Traya... how many other people lost their beloveds to my foolish quest to protect the Republic at all costs?     Well, Carth lost his wife, as did countless others... Dantooine, Taris... How many people died that Mission cared about?
Oh... the force... What have I done? What have I done?

Chalcenia's Personal Log
Serea really is a kind and loving woman. She is also a very broken and depressed woman. How she barely holds it together, I don't know. She has been very distraught lately. She works out for practically hours un-end, she's barely eaten for over a month, and I practically wake up every night to her terrified from the nightmares. The poor woman...
I don't know what to do as she won't talk to me. She was doing fine and enjoying life on Dromund Kaas with me up until a month ago. Then she emerged from her room shaken and in tears. When I tried to comfort her, she would have none of it. Whatever she dreamt about was obviously too much for her to bear. I just hope she doesn't fall back to her darker ways again...She's too beautiful and too wonderful to deserve that...
Haha! Look at me, an immortal woman becoming a bit infatuated with a mortal woman; never mind a Sith who doesn't want to fall back to the darkside. I pray no one in my family reads about this. They might be a bit disgusted with me. Ah well, I have 0 interest in pursuing these feelings as it would be foolish of me to do so.  Why get that attached to someone only to outlive them? That kind of pain should only be endured once, and I endured it when I lost my grandmother many centuries ago.
That doesn't mean I won't be friends with Serea, oh no. It just means I've drawn the line and it shall not be crossed.

Entry 14
It's been over a year since I last wrote an entry... almost 5 since the end of the Jedi Civil War. At the beginning I was Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith. I was sure and confident in myself. I was the ruler of an Empire destined to dominate. Now, almost a decade has passed, and what am I?  I am a depressed, nervous wreck that just gets worse one day at a time.
I haven't told Chal what I've been going through. Normally I would've, but she's been so kind and loving to me... I don't wish to over stay my welcome nor make her repulsed by my actions. I know this is an irrational fear, as we are in the heart of the Sith Empire, but still I cannot help my emotions these days.
I finally ate a half-decent meal today. I've lost so much weight, it is unbelievable. Yesterday I passed out from doing basic exercise routines- Basic routines!! Waking up in the doctor's office, I learned I have to slow down and start eating better. I don't want to fade into practically nothing... After all, I have my duties to fulfill and I wouldn't want to leave Chalcenia, beautiful Chalcenia...
What am I doing?! Chalcenia and I... no, no! I cannot and I will not move on from Juhani. She deserves better than that. I know I shouldn't hold on but... the love of my life died BECAUSE OF ME!!!! For that I don't deserve to have another love and I won't another love. Yes, forever single until the day I die... that is the only path for me in terms of romance. Friends, yes, but lovers...No, I'd be betraying who Juhani was, who she and I were...
Bah! Why do I continue writing in this? I need to get back to training. The Empire won't reform itself, after all.

Serea Apostolia, Chalcenia, Mian [c] vadess40
Revan, Juhani, Sith Empire, and all references to SWTOR and KOTOR [c] LucasArts and Bioware
Jedi Exile/ Jedi General [c] Obsidian, LucasArts
Sera Degana [c] silveredge9

Revan Journals 3

Entry 7: The Darkness- A Poem by the Jedi Revan
Over a month have I been in this place
This place of darkness and no grace
With memories that flood my mind
Will I ever escape in time

Malachor V should only exist in nightmares
Why did I order these terrors?
Why did I construct such a weapon?

Nothing can fill this void
My love's life has been destroyed
I'll never hold Juhani again
And now my darkness will never come to an end

I was a fool to think simply stopping Malak would end my troubles
I was a fool to think that through this one act I could be redeemed
I deserve this prison of darkness and thorns
I deserve to be here on Malachor

No, this isn't an excuse to do nothing...
Juhani deserves justice, and I think I should at least get a second
I cannot undo what I have done
But I won't let the Republic be reduced to none!

Trayus Academy 2mo ABSF
As Revan sits in her room, A young pureblood approaches her quarters with a data pad in her right hand. Looking back and forth she enters the room and approaches Revan and looks Revan up and down.
Finally, the pureblood speaks, "Hmmm... For a Sith you *feel* weird through the force. Are you sick or something?"
Revan replies, a bit surprised, "Huh?"
The pureblood continues, "If you're sick, I have some aspirin in my quarters if you want them."
Revan laughed and replied, "Oh, I'm not sick. I probably feel weird to you because I'm not a Sith; at least not anymore..."
The pureblood was shocked. How can someone not be a Sith Lord anymore? she thought to herself.
Revan answered the unasked question,  "I am a Jedi Knight who fell to the dark side and then returned to the light."
The pureblood jumped for joy, "You're a Jedi Knight?! Cool! I've always wanted to meet one."
Revan looked surprised, "You're a Sith... who's always wanted to meet a Jedi?"
The pureblood nodded, "Well, yeah, I figure I might as well meet one  and figure out why I'm supposed to hate Jedi and want to destroy them"
Revan replied, "I see. What have you discovered?"
" Well I see no reason why I should kill you."
Revan breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, that's good... Why?"
The pureblood explained, "I can understand why Sith that lived centuries ago hated Republic and the Jedi since they were the army that caused a near genocide on Korriban and drove the Sith from their home when they weren't a threat... but I'm not them and they're not me.  What do I have to do with something that happened to Sith almost a millennia ago? Nothing! Hence why I decided to find a Jedi get to know them, and see if there are any contemporary reasons for why I want to destroy them."
Revan smiled and replied, "Well, I'm glad you found none."
The pureblood nodded. "I'm glad as well. However, my curiosity isn't satisfied. For one thing, how come you aren't charging at me with a lightsaber?"
Revan replied, "First, my lightsaber got taken away from me. Second, a  Jedi desires peace and tries to avoid confrontation if they can help it."
"Really? The Sith's way is almost lightsabre first, talk later. Fascinating... Then that explains why you didn't use force lightening on me then."
Revan replied, "That's because Jedi don't use the force for that sort of thing. Jedi use the Force to gain knowledge and for defense. If I were to force crush I would be fighting like a Sith, not a Jedi."
Revan looked up to see her visitor writing on a datapad and speaking to herself, "Jedi don't openly attack and don't use the force for aggressive means. Hmmm… hard to believe the light side is the other side of the one force. I take it you don't use your emotions to fuel the force, correct?"
Revan nodded, "That is correct. The light side requires that you resist your emotions and let the force flow through you."
The pureblood inquired, "Why did you leave the light side? Was it getting too boring because you couldn't use your emotions to fight?
Revan replied,  "To be honest, I don't really know. I suffered a loss of memory, you see. Although, a lot of my memories have been coming back while I have been here, I haven't had the time to sort them out."
"Oh, that's really too bad. Why did you go back to the Jedi?"
" Why do you want to know?"
"Well, a lot of my profs and trainers have said that the light side is evil, weak, a waste of time,  squandering of a gift, a cowardly use of the force, and all that," the pureblood explained, "However, I've read in Jedi history that quite a few Jedi left the dark side and returned to the light. Makes me wonder who really is using the force poorly."
Revan: I see. Well, if you are really that interested, I could show you the light side.
The Sith Warrior turned and shut the door, and then turned back to Revan and nodded. Revan invited her to sit across from her and they both sat in a meditative posture. Revan reached out and touched the Sith warrior's chest and then closed her eyes and they sat meditating on the light side for a couple of minutes.
"So, this is the light side? Wow..."
Revan was again surprised by her visitor. "A Sith being "wowed" by the light side... Sounds like an oxymoron."
"My parents said I am an oxymoron," the pureblood replied. "I'm a Sith who doesn't want power, is not sure she wants to use the dark side, and would much rather draw then go to war.
Revan responded, "Well, I know what it's like to be different. I am far from an orthodox Jedi."
"Well, duh, you became a Sith! Not that that's a bad thing..."
" Do you really believe that?"
The pureblood shook her head, "No; I'm just saying that so I don't get force choked when I get home."
Revan replied, "Where is home for you?"
"Dromund Kaas," the Sith answered. "They only called it that because the planet from hell was taken."
Revan: laughed, "You only say that because you haven't been to Tatooine yet. Sigh, I needed a good laugh... What's your name?"
The Sith held out her hand, "Chalcenia. What's yours?"
Revan took the offered hand and said, "I'm Revan. Pleased to meet you."
Chalcenia grinned, "You're or rather you were Darth Revan?! This day just keeps getting better and better! I heard about a group of Jedi who arrived on Kaas city and then left as Sith... So, why did you turn back?"
Before Revan could answer, a soldier ran in and spoke to Chalcenia. "Apologies for interrupting, my mistress, but it is time for your dinner."
Chalcenia replied, "It's that time already? But Revan and I are having a conversation here. I know… Would you like to join me?"
Revan: Oh, I don't know if I can. I'm kind of a prisoner here.
Chalcenia replied, "I won't let you run off. Besides, I want to learn more about you."
Revan replied, "Why? What's the purpose of learning from me?"
Chalcenia leaned over and whispered to Revan, "I want to learn more about the Jedi before I decide whether or not I want to break from the dark side..."
Revan whispers back,  "Oh, I see... I hope you aren't simply leading me up the garden path. Shall we go to dinner?"

Jedi Temple Courtyard Camera Recording, Coruscant
Bastila steps in front a former Cathar Jedi. "Juhani... Why did you just resign from the Jedi Order?"
Juhani replied, "My love is missing and so far the Jedi have not lifted a finger to help her. She saved the Republic and destroyed Malak! If the Jedi will not do the right thing and help me find her, then I will go myself. "
Bastila shook her head. "But if you leave, how can you hope avoiding falling to the dark side?"
Juhani sighed and replied,  " No one is immune to the dark side, Bastila, regardless of the faction they are a part of. I am still a servant of the light, but the Jedi Order's path is separate from mine."
Bastila replied, " I see there is no talking you out of it... I hope you find her. May the force be with you, my friend. "
Juhani nodded,  "And may the force be with you, Bastila. You and Carth must keep the Republic strong and keep on building in our absence."


  Entry 8- Unusual Dinner
So I had dinner this evening with an unlikely individual- Chalcenia, a member of the True Sith Empire. It was interesting because she had so many questions about the light side... A Sith with a genuine interest in the light side: it sounds like an oxymoron!
Chalcenia noted, "You know, for a bunch of people to condemn fear, the Jedi Masters sure are afraid of any and all emotions. Why is that?"
I responded, "I do not know. Personally, I don't think that emotions are bad. They need to be kept in balance."
Chalcenia said, "Balance? What are emotions just on some scale in the back of our minds?"
I laughed, "No, they aren't. What I meant is that they can't be allowed to rule you."
Chalcenia, "If only the members of the Dark Council could realized. Do Jedi Masters retire?"
Revan, "I don't know... I suppose they do at some point. Why?
Chalcenia smiled and said, "Well, the Sith Empire has the cheapest way to deal with their aging members on the Dark Council."
I was confused, "What way is that?"
Chalcenia nodded, "Easy, you accidentally let them be assassinated before they can get to that stage. It's easy and cheap to deal with the dead!"
Revan, "Ha! I'll put that forward to the Jedi Council sometime... Doubt it would fly, but I can try!"
I've been here too long. Perhaps it is time to talk to Darth Traya about the true Sith and how I can get out of here. I don't think I can go back to the Jedi as they would consider me too much of a liability if I came back with all this dark energy surrounding me. Oh, I've just been called into Traya's chambers. I think that now is the time.

Chalcenia's Personal Log- Dinner with a Former Dark Lord
Well, it seems that the Jedi Order is far from perfect in many ways. That much I could tell from talking with Revan. In many ways the Sith philosophy fills in some of the holes Jedi philosophy leaves out and vice versa. Clearly there is more to the force than either order would have us believe.  No wonder Revan leaned one way and then back the other way.
Revan is quite the fascinating character. She seems to have a more well-rounded understanding of the two sides of the force. I didn't think it was possible to meet someone who stood between the two sides, but life is still full of surprises even after 200 years of living. I must admit that if it weren't for those experiments that made the chance of me turning from the dark side impossible, I would never have met Revan. I suppose I should make her aware of it but not yet. She'll never realize it until we go to a planet that has a real sunrise and sunset.
Sunrise, sunset... I was once able to wield the force 24 hours a day. I could have been one of the best Sith in the galaxy, but some Madoc guy and his goons got to me. I can only remember up until the day they captured me and nothing until the day I was released. I remember looking in horror at myself, thinking the force was forever lost, only to have it come back in a whirl of pain when the sun set. Sigh... and now Madoc keeps chasing after me under different disguises. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't even know who it was that caused me to become this.
Oh, I shouldn't get into this as I don't have to replace another computer. Maybe Revan can better help me control my abilities and emotions? After all, I have no choice but to use the dark side so it's not like I really need to be angry and hateful all the time.
I suppose I should forward my findings on this traitorous Sith to my superiors, but I'm not going to. After all, what are their threats to an immortal? Don't they know I've died 10 times already and the force brought me back every single one of those times? Besides I don't want to become Revan's enemy. No, she looks like she could be a real friend. Her master, Darth Traya, though, seems to not want much more to do with her... If that's the case, then why did she leave her here for a month?
No matter. Revan and I have to get out of here and back into Sith space. There I can protect her both the Jedi who may just toss her in prison and from my parents. Luckily, I've been on my own for a while so they really don't care what I do. Now, I need to come up with a plan to get her out of here.

Heart of Malachor
Darth Traya stood in the centre meditating when her two apprentices approached her, with lust for power in their eyes. She could smell the desire to betray in her nostrils, and she could sense their hatred for her going past the breaking point. No matter, those fools know nothing about betrayal. Sigh, she knew this day would come, but she didn't think it would be so soon... Her apprentices are fools if they think she could be defeated so easily. As Nihilus and Sion closed in on her, she ignited her lightsaber, daring one of them to make the first move.
Immediately she felt the dark side cast her aside into a wall. She felt her bones break and her skull crack a little from the impact. She summed whatever strength she had to summon her lightsaber back, but it was not enough. Why has the force failed me now? My lightsaber was only a couple of centimetres away... Why did it not come when I called?! Then Sion added insult to injury by lifting her by the face and ramming her skull into the wall again. How dare he make a fool of me! How dare he make me suffer this indignity!
Then Sion kneed her in the stomach and threw her to the ground like she was no more than a rag doll. First the light, now the darkness... Why have both sides of the force betrayed me? Those were Traya's thoughts as she felt the Lord of Pain and the Lord of Hunger strip the Lord of Betrayal from her power. In the brief moments she saw a vision of the one Jedi who turned away from the force and learned to live without it before she lost her contact to the force completely. Maybe if I find her I can get my revenge on the Force and my two apprentices...
Sion looked to a Mira Luka standing in the corner, "Remove this useless wretch at once!"

Revan Journals 2

Entry 5- Meeting with Sera Degana
Sera Degana used to be my handpicked, highly trained, personal assassin. When she was travelling with us on the Ebon Hawk she told me about how she became a part of the Revanchist after a rally Malak and I did to recruit Jedi on Dantooine. Now, she is a member of the Orion crew and travelling with her soon-to-be husband Kobayashi and Mec Han'ic. When I met her for lunch on Coruscant, I could not help but admire her and how much she had changed in the past months since her Jedi master's death.
Sera's Jedi Master, Solomon, blamed me for his pupil's fall to the dark side and loss of the identity she had while under his tutelage. He accused me of turning her into a shell and wanted to avenge the person she once was by killing me. What he failed to understand was that Sera, and so many of the other Jedi who followed me, had a choice to make and that they were just as equally to blame for their fall as I was. His reasoning saw himself change from a Jedi Master to a shell whose sole purpose was seeking revenge.  It is ironic how fear, misdirected anger, and self righteousness can shape us into what we fear or hate the most without us even realizing what we have become.
When I met with Shadow, she gave me a booklet of some of the things I wrote down during the Mandalorian Wars. One of them was a poem I wrote after the first battle I fought in. When I got home I read it and I was shocked about how quickly I cast aside the Jedi code like that. This proves how inexperienced I was at warfare and guarding myself against the lure of the dark side. The further I dived into those documents, the more I realized what a monster I had become. No wonder I so willingly knelt at the figure in my dream, as in many ways I was already one of them.
Anyway, at the luncheon I was amazed at how much she had changed. "When did you learn how to speak basic, Sera?"
Sera replied, "Oh, I've always known how to speak it, but I just chose not to. Unfortunately so many people I've met while travelling on the Orion doesn't know Ryl, so I just started to speak basic. By the way, here is your invitation to my wedding."
I answered her, "Thank you. I will do my best to be there."
Sera asked, "Revan, you seem a bit preoccupied. Is something wrong?"
I replied, "I won't lie to you, something is wrong and only you hold the answers and the possible solution."
Sera looked confused, "What do you mean?"
I cautiously asked, "Sera, what happened at the end of the Mandalorian Wars? Where did I lead us to that completed our fall to the dark side?"
Sera replied, "We went to a place of terrible darkness that the Republic and Jedi had thought long dead."
I replied, "Sera, I need more information than that. You see, I received a vision last night that I think was both an event from my past and a prophecy of what is to come."
Sera shook her head, "Revan, I cannot be specific about what we found in deep space here, as it is too dangerous. What I can say is that you discovered a star map on Kashyyyk that talked about the Star Forge. For the most part, you ignored it until the war was over. When we left deep space you explained that in order to be fully indoctrinated into that society, we had to go to Korriban, Dantooine, and Manaan in order to discover what the Star Map on Kashyyyk tried to point us to."
I replied, "This society I wanted to be assimilated to- What was it like?"
Sera replied, "In many ways, it was like the Sith Empire you wanted to build. It was a society of darkness that believed in the survival of the fittest. However, it had a focus as the people there worked together in building and working in order to achieve a certain goal in the distant future.   I'm not sure what the goal was and I don't know their leader."
I continued with my questions, "How long were we there?"
"6 months," she answered, "Your original intentions were to destroy whatever we found but when we got to that location in deep space and landed on the planet, you changed your mind."
I looked up from my lunch and asked, "I did? Why?"
Sera looked down and then replied in a whispered voice, "You embraced their teachings long before we got there. Your fall started at the end of our first battle but you introduced us to their teachings at the Trayus Academy on Malachor V."
I thought to myself and asked, "Could the academy still be there? I know we destroyed that planet with the Mass Shadow Generator..."
Sera continued, "I believe that academy is still there as when you were the Dark Lord you took it over with the help of your old Jedi Master and her two apprentices. If Jedi were not sent to the Korriban Academy or the Star Forge's world to be turned, they were sent there. Once they fell to the dark side, they were trained. "
I sighed and spoke quietly, "Don't tell me I caused my Jedi Master to fall to the dark side along with the other members of the Revanchist..."
Sera shook her head, "I don't believe you did. In fact, I'd say she fell long before you did."
I asked, "Sera, do you have an image of my old Jedi Master."
She nodded and flipped the documents she gave me to security footage of the Trayus Academy. What I saw almost caused my jaw to hit the floor... That was the same old woman we found on the Sith ship 1.5 weeks ago! No wonder I received a vision as soon as she finished speaking to me. I have to find out where they are keeping her and meet with her immediately!
I looked up and said, "Sera thank you for meeting with me, I appreciate it. Would it be possible for us to meet again on the Orion sometime? Please? I need more answers. Whatever I dreamed about last night could make everything we have fought for over the past 5 to 6 years be in vain. "
Sera agreed to meet with me and we finished our lunch discussing other subjects. Oh, and guess what? Bastila and her mother were there too! Her mom looks a lot better than when we saw her on Tatooine. When I asked Bastila about it over the comlink she explained that her mother found an excellent doctor and she would fully recover from her illness! I'm so glad that things are turning out well for some of my friends, and that I get to share in some of their happiness.
Hopefully this happiness will last. I must begin the search for my fallen Jedi Master tomorrow. According to the research I did when I went to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant later that day was that my first Master was Kreia, one of the many historians and chroniclers of the Jedi. It seems that the council exiled her after the Revanchist and I left to fight the Mandalorians because her teachings are what ultimately caused us to fall. Hmmm... I wonder if she was no more than a convenient scapegoat that the Jedi used, so that they would not have to examine why the Revanchist left and whether their decision to stay out of the Mandalorian Wars was a mistake...

Coruscant News at 6
The News Announcer begins to report, "Good evening and welcome to Coruscant News at 6! Today's biggest story is a prison break from the Spice Mines of Kessel that happened earlier today. Crew members from a Sith ship that were captured by the Jedi Knights Serea Apostolia, Bastila Shan, and Juhani were being held there for crimes against the Republic during the Jedi Civil War. We can only assume that these crew members were responsible because everyone else on the prison colony is dead. We now turn to one of our reporters on the street, Nova Ecosse."
The news shifts to the spice mines of Kessel where a news reporter, Nova Ecosse, begins to speak, "Hello everyone. On this tragic day at the prison colony on Kessel, hundreds of fine Republic officers and correctional officers were killed today by an unknown source. According to the Jedi sent to investigate, which included the Jedi formally known as Revan, found that there were no blaster fire or lightsaber injuries. Instead the personnel simply had their life force removed from them. Ah, there is Serea Apostolia... Serea, a word please?!"
Serea runs up to the reporter, who questions her, "So, Serea what can you tell me about this unfortunate incident? Have you been able to determine the motive behind these attacks?
Serea replied, "Simple, the culprit behind this only wanted the old woman who was taken away a long with her crew, as the entire crew is here, dead, except her..."
Nova Ecosse interrupts, "How could someone do something to this scale?"
Serea shakes her head and replies, "I honestly do not know... No one with the Sith who were under my command, including Malak, would be able to do something like this..."
Nova Ecosse interrupted again, "What's your plan of action?"
Serea replied, "I'm sorry but we cannot elaborate on this right now."
Nova Ecosse turned to the camera and continued, "Well, that's all we can learn about this incident at this point. This is Coruscant News, Kessel."

Jedi Temple Camera Recording
Revan was pacing in one of the rooms of the Jedi Temple. Juhani asked, "Revan, love, what is wrong?"
Revan replied,  "That old woman was my old Jedi Master, and she controlling whoever or whatever destroyed the prisons at Kessel."
Juhani was surprised. Revan had not given any indication that any more of her memories were coming back. Juhani inquired, "Love, how do you know this?"
Revan continued, "Sera Degana, the woman who was once my assassin, told me. She could have been part of the reason why I fell to the dark side!"
Juhani sighed,  "Can we not put your fall behind us, love? You are redeemed and you are no longer Darth Revan..."
Revan noticed the camera and leaned over and whispered, "Don't you remember the vision I told you about? What if my old master works for this Emperor? What if Kessel was just a warning about what is to come?"  
Juhani whispered in reply, "Then we must investigate what Sera told you and find your old master."
Revan shook her head, "Juhani, I would love to take you along, but I can't..."

Jedi Council Chambers, Session in Recording:
Bastila turned off the video recording and turned to the Jedi Masters standing before her, "That's when the camera gets cut off."
Master Vrook Lamar asks, "Who were their attackers?"
Bastila Shan continued, "I don't know, Master Vrook. However, other cameras show an old woman leading a bunch of men with cloaking devices into the Jedi Temple prior to this conversation... How is Juhani?"
Vandar replied, "She is in critical condition, but we believe she will recover. In the meantime, we must begin our search in order to find Revan at once."
Suddenly everyone seems to faint or fall over after feeling a terrible disturbance in the force.
Bastila tries to balance herself as she thinks, What... What was that?
The answer comes when a Republic Soldier via a comlink communicates to Master Vrook, "Jedi Masters, something has happened on the planet Kataar, the place where a secret Jedi Conclave was happening. There is no transmissions, no nothing... Everyone just died. Initial scans from droid intelligence shows that the planet is just dead..."
Master Vandar replied, "How did you know about our secret meeting on that planet? That was not supposed to be discovered."
Vrook replied, "There is a traitor in our midst! Bastila, this is something that the Jedi Council must deal with alone."
Bastila nodded, "As you wish, masters." Then leaves the temple.

Interrogation Chamber, Trayus Academy, Malachor V
Revan's consciousness was finally regained. As she became aware of her surroundings, she realized she was tied to a gunnery, "What- Where am I?"
An old woman spoke up from behind her, "Well, I see we meet again."
Revan replied, "Are you my old master? Why am I here? Where am I?"
The old woman continued, "I am your first master. You may call me Traya. You are on Malachor V at the Trayus Academy. Tell me, what do you remember about me?"
Revan replied, "Only a small vision."
Traya smiled, "Good, good; the Jedi haven't completely corrupted you."
Revan tried to look at her old master, "No, they redeemed me and rebuilt me. For that I am grateful. It was you corrupted me, Malak, and the Revanchist by introducing us to Sith teachings..."
Traya interrupted her, "From a certain point of view, perhaps. The truth is that the Jedi are the ones to blame for your fall, not me. After all, you would not have gone to fight the Mandalore if they had listened to the Republic's call."
Revan replied, "I suppose that's true. Still if it wasn't for them, I'd still be Darth Revan and terrorizing everyone."
Traya inquired, "Are you so sure that your goal was to terrorize everyone?"
Revan replied, "I'm not sure."
Traya replied, "You will in time. Guards take her to her chamber!"

Entry 6, 1 week After Being on Malachor V (ABMV)
It's been a week since I've been here. I have been treated well by the guards, fed excellent meals, and so far I have not been harmed. I'd like to believe that this is because my former master wants to give me the highest of comforts, but I know that this cannot be true. Traya has been corrupted by the dark side. I could feel it in that torture chamber and I can feel it every time she comes to talk to me. None of those talks have been interrogations but simple questions about what I remembered about the Mandalorian Wars and prior to Malak's betrayal during the Jedi Civil War. Unfortunately I cannot give her much as only a few of my memories had returned up to this point.  A part of me wants to trust her as she has clearly tried to make my stay as comfortable as possible but I know her "good deeds" just cover an ulterior agenda.
Perhaps she is not harming me because she knows that simply being on Malachor is enough to break me.   Recently I've been receiving several more visions of the Mandalorian Wars. I'm so overwhelmed by them... I can see myself slowly but surely falling to the dark side one battle at a time. I'm not sleeping as well as I should and I barely eat what's placed in front of me. What did I do to this planet? Why can I not be free from these dreams?

Revan Journals, and Serea Apostolia [c] vadess40
Serea Degana, Kobayashi, and Brotherhood of Shadow [c] silveredge9
Female Darth Revan and KOTOR [c] Bioware and LucasArts 
Darth Traya [c] Obsidian and LucasArts

Revan Journals 1

Description: This is my first fanfiction series that takes place after the Knights of the Old Republic. It is assumed that you've played the game and know what took place during it. Consider yourself warned that to continue to read is to spoil the game!!!

Synopsis: After the Jedi Civil War Serea Apostolia, the Prodigal Jedi Knight, begins to write journals in order to jog her lost memories as well as come to terms with what she did as a former Dark Lord of the Sith. And yes, she is the person talking in two of my poems titled Countless Droplets of Power and Revan's Legacy.

Entry 1, 1 week After the Battle of the Starge Forge (ABSF)

These are the written journals of Serea Apostolia, Prodigal Jedi Guardian. The purpose of these written documents is personal and medical, as I do not know the extent to which my mind has been damaged. Yesterday and the day before, I have been seeing various doctors in order to further understand the damage I received when Malak fired on my ship on the day I was captured by Bastila and her Jedi companions. The doctors told me all my lost memories could come back or I could forget everything I have become since I was enlisted into the Republic fleet. Furthermore, I should expect visions, like the ones I've been having since Taris to continue to happen sporadically.

Taris. Before we crashed on that planet, I was just one more Republic soldier serving on the Endar Spire and fighting against the Sith. After Taris, the Jedi chose to train me because of my bond with Bastila and the visions we both had. Initially, I was shocked when I learned about my force bond with Bastila and the Jedi that followed it. Eventually I came to terms with the turn of events in my life and quickly accepted my new role in the galaxy, whose fate rested on my shoulders... Nothing like having such a burden placed on a lowly Republic grunt, eh? On the Leviathan, Darth Malak's flagship, I learned the truth. The bond was forged when Bastila saved my life on my ship after Malak fired on it, and Serea Apostoloia was no more than something the Jedi Council made up when re-built my mind and reprogrammed me with another identity that was loyal to the Republic.

That was 2 weeks ago...  Sigh, it is still difficult for me to believe that Serea Apostolia and everything she knew about herself prior to the Endar Spire was a lie.  In many ways, Serea Apostoloia doesn't exist, but is only an illusion. The truth is I am Revan, a Jedi Knight who fell to the dark side over the course of the Mandalorian Wars and became the Dark Lord of the Sith.

Yet, I am no longer Revan! I am Serea Apostolia of the Jedi Order, now. The identity that was forged from Malak's betrayal to now is who I am. I could have reclaimed my identity as the Dark Lord and accepted Bastila's offer on top of the Temple on the Unknown World, but I did not. I chose to reject Bastila's offer of reclaiming my identity as the Dark Lord, I embraced this new identity. So far, that choice was not a mistake: Bastila Shan was redeemed from darkness, Malak and the Star Forge were destroyed, and the Republic can start to rebuild.

Furthermore, Juhani and I talked aboard the Temple on the Unknown World and again on the Ebon Hawk after the victory celebration. The talks were long and short, painful and wonderful... What emerged from those talks was our realization that it would be a mistake to sweep our feelings under the rug for the sake of our commitment to the Jedi. 

I remember Juhani's words clearly, "The reason, love, that we survived the Krayt Dragon on Tatooine; the forests of Kashyyyk, the sharks and neutrality of Manaan; the tombs and powers of Korriban; the temptations of the Temple; and the depths of the Star Forge was because it was we who worked together and supported each other. It was we who went on this journey, and it was we who saved the Republic and the Jedi. Now it must continue to be we who shall join with our fellow Jedi to move the Republic and the Jedi forward. Serea, going from we to you and me would bring about our doom."

Sigh... Juhani, you keep gaining more and more confidence every day, don't you? My darling, I had no intention of dividing the "we" that was created over our quest. No, my love, you and I will always stand together.

You know, Malak said on the Star Forge, "Saviour, conqueror, hero villain: you are all things Revan, and yet you are nothing. In the end you belong neither to the light or the darkness. You will forever stand alone. "As I reflect on what has happened since Malak said that, I realize that he was only blowing hot air in order for me to lose my resolve and strength. After all, how can I forever stand alone when I have my Juhani, who is my friend, lover, and ally? How can I stand alone when I have so many allies from the Ebon Hawk's old crew - Carth, Bastila, Mission, Zaalbar, Jolee, Canderous, T3, HK-47; who, again, will always answer when I cry for help? As Darth Revan, I did stand alone because eventually you have to destroy everything you love in order to fully embrace the dark side. The life of a Sith Lord is a life that slowly but surely renders someone truly alone. Yes, if I chose Darth Revan, I would have stood alone. However, I rejected Revan, and chose Serea Apostolia, and I shall never stand alone.

At least, I hope I never stand alone...


Entry 2, 2 weeks ABSF
It has been a week since I last wrote in this journal. I cannot say much has happened, except for the truth. Although, I am no longer Revan, I find myself confronted with so much that I did. People who recognize me have mixed responses- some respond with respect, admiration, and adoration for the hero who saved the Republic while others look at me with so much hate and anger that I feared they would discover their force sensitivity by force crushing me on the spot.

I met Carth at Telos' Citadel Station today. As I descended to the restoration zones, I was shocked at how much the planet was reduced to a waste land. I was angry at the Sith and at myself for this deed. I researched Sith records recovered from the Republic over the past 2 weeks- I gave the order to merely attack Telos, not utterly and completely destroy it... A part of me wants to blame Malak for Telos' destruction while on the surface. I did not want this when I was the Dark Lord and I certainly don't want it now. I am no longer Revan; I am Serea Apostolia... or am I?

When I returned to the station, I was immediately approached by someone "I know you- Revan, right?"

I replied, "I was Revan, but I go by Serea now."

The person replied, "Can I ask you a question?"

I smiled and answered, "Of course."

The person replied, "Does the name Serea allow you to sleep at night or was the name Revan becoming an inconvenience?"

I replied, "Oh, I..."

"Does it help you forget what you did? Does it help you forget all the lives you destroyed, and all the blood of innocent people on your hands?"

I responded, "No, but..."

"Shut up, just shut up!!! You don't have the right to speak and you shouldn't have the right to roam freely. I am disgusted to call myself a member of the Republic, a Republic who just let you go because you happened to defeat Darth Malak and destroyed the Star Forge. I am appalled that the Jedi Order could simply look at you and simply dismiss your actions as the redemption of Revan, the prodigal knight. Can that bring back my daughter, who was all I had, when Telos was bombed and attacked? Well, can it bring her back? Can you bring her back?!!"

I said nothing, nothing. All I did was look down.

The person shook their head and said, "Exactly, you can't.  So call yourself whatever you want, because you'll still be Darth fucking Revan to me."

What if this person is right? What if Serea Apostolia is just a facade...

What if I cannot deny who I once was?
What If I can't atone for the deaths I've caused
What if they accept nothing less,
Than the satisfaction of their cries of vengeance?

Entry 2, 3 weeks ABSF

Just got back from a mission to take down an apparently last minute attempt by the remnants of the Sith to regain what they lost after the Star Forge was destroyed.

Thankfully, they were stopped. Bastila, Juhani, and I boarded the ship in order to capture the ship's commander. Naturally, most of the personnel were shocked to find out that Revan is alive. Can't say I blame them, as I was shocked when I found out she was alive! Thankfully, this realization caused many of them to step aside and allow the three of us to pass without much of a fuss.

On the upper decks we met quite a bit of opposition until we got to the bridge. On the bridge was an old woman surrounded by personnel. When she saw me she shouted, "Don't harm her! Don't harm her!"

I turned to look at her and she said, "You are Darth Revan, are you not?"

As soon as she asked that, I received a vision. This forgotten memory was of a woman who was in the library of the old Dantooine enclave and it looked like she was about to teach me about the force. I think I was a young girl at the time for I was standing and looking up at her.

When I came back I hesitantly replied, "I no longer go by that name. I am the Jedi Knight Serea Starz."

The old woman replied, "I am Traya. Why do you no longer go by your true name or your true identity?"

I answered her, "Revan was a monster forged during the Mandalorian Wars who died after Malak betrayed her. Serea Starz is my true identity now."

The woman replied, "Are you trying to tell me that after everything you have learned nothing?! You were made stronger..."

I replied, "Enough! I place you and your the crew of your ship under arrest by the Jedi Order. You will all be escorted to the Harbinger and taken to Coruscant."

I'd like to think seeing her in and having a vision immediately after was just a coincidence but it wouldn't surprise me if the two are linked. After all, I received a similar vision almost immediately after I rescued Bastila on Taris. Oh well, I don't have time to dig up old ghosts now. I have to move forward.

Entry 4, 4 Weeks ABSF
I got a message from Sera Degana today. It appears that she is doing well on the Orion with Mec Han'ic and Kobayashi. It is amazing to see how much she has changed since our encounter with her former Jedi Master, Solomon, in the Temple of Shadow on Korriban. It makes me happy to know that not all the Jedi who followed me to war became servants of the dark side forever. I only wish more could've been redeemed… I know that I'm the one who led them to darkness, but they had a part to play in their fall. After all, I never forced them to keep following me!

Sigh… That still doesn't change the fact that I was the one who started them on the path to darkness. From what I've read, my fall to the dark side started long before my first quest to find the Star Forge. I changed a lot during the Mandalorian Wars, and was no longer the Jedi Knight on a noble crusade.

I formed the Revanchist as a faction within the Jedi Order who chose to disobey the council because we all felt that going to war and aiding the Republic was the right thing to do. Recently, I've had dreams of travelling to the places ravaged by the Mandalorians. I discussed the dream of my visit to Cathar with Juhani. During the discussion she seemed proud that I chose to go to war in order to avenge her people and protect the innocents. I did rescue her from slavery on Taris and encouraged her to join the Jedi, after all. Then she shook her head and expressed her disbelief at the fact that while I rescued her, I was also beginning my fall.

I have to admit that I can't believe it anymore than she can. When she asked what I thought about the Mandalorian Wars, I told her that I didn't know. Before encountering Malak on the Leviathan, I thought Revan's decision to go to war was the biggest mistake she ever made. However, there I can't point the finger at her anymore. Not after all the encounters from people whose lives I've destroyed, not after visiting Telos, and certainly not after some of the dreams and visions I've had. Revan's past is my past and her bad choices were my bad choices. I cannot run or hide from, or explain away the truth any longer. 

I have to face it, Serea Apostolia does not exist. At the end of the day, I am Revan. I think I need to reconcile who I was with who I am now, if I am going to move on.

Revan, you and I are one
I cannot hide nor run
These words being written at this time
Are yours, they are mine
Revan is the prodigal knight
Revan has returned to the light
She will correct the horrors of war
Because she is no longer the Dark Lord

Huh, Sera just messaged me. She wants to meet up with me in some time and catch up. Perhaps I should make up with her Perhaps she can help me through this reconciliation process by telling me about the Mandalorian Wars and helping me through my memories. If I could only ask her one thing, it would be What happened at the Battle of Malachor V that rendered you unable to speak on the Ebon Hawk? This meeting will be interesting, indeed.

Entry 5, 5 Weeks ABSF
Dantooine... A planet that was once my home now lies in ruin. I went to see what Malak and the Sith did to her today, and I barely had the strength to completely tour the planet. As much as I would like to believe that Malak and the Sith are the only reason why Dantooine is a place of desolation, I cannot deny my hand in this. I was the one who declared myself Dark Lord of the Sith and lead my old friend down the path of the dark side. These acts ultimately lead to the destruction of Telos, Taris, and Dantooine...

A place of peace and healing
Is now a place of destruction and death
My once place of refuge is now the place of despair
How could such a terrible thing happen here?

It is because I fell to the darkness
I embraced the countless droplets of power
I lead my friends and comrades into war after war
All because my poisoned soul craved for more

History will tell of Malak's attack
They'll blame him and the Sith for the Jedi Temple's fall
But soon the veil over their eyes will be gone
Everyone will that it was Revan, it was me

Revan's fall marked Carth to lose his family and everything he knew
Revan's fall lead to Bastila Shan's descent into darkness
Revan's betrayal completed Malak's fall
And now Revan's fall has resulted in the end of Taris and Dantooine

Sigh, clearly I am still blind
This was not Revan's fall but mine
The Jediwouldn't have created Serea Starz
If I had of resisted darkness' call

No, I cannot blame the Jedi
They were not the ones who caused the light in me to die
No, it is only I who has caused this destruction and pain
No words can justify my once mad quest for gain

I cannot deny who I was
I cannot deny the destruction I've caused
This burden of loss and sorrow
Is a result of my descent into war and horror

This is the third entry where I have used poetry. Prose simply cannot communicate the sorrow within any more than it can communicate the burden I have to bear. I was a fool to think that this facade, dubbed Serea Starz, was going to last forever. That's it; I'm done writing in this for tonight. It's time for me to turn in and be with Juhani. She might not understand everything, but she knows what it means to fall to the darkness and somehow return to the light.

Entry 6, same night as entry 5
Never have I had such a vision haunt my dreams before. I hope I didn't wake Juhani in the midst of coming down here to write this entry and compose my thoughts. I believe that this was a vision from my past as Darth Malak was with me as we looked up towards a being that made my former apprentice look like he had achieved mastery of the light side during his reign as the Dark Lord.

The vision... I was in a very dark room with a dark figure before me. I was wearing my traditional body armour and mask. Malak and I bowed down before a figure who was sitting on what appeared to be a throne. Finally this being spoke, "I can sense that my favourite Republicans have arrived."

I turned to my right to see Malak... Huh, no jaw piece? I guess this was before he received the injury that sliced his lower jaw off. Anyway, Malak nodded at me as a way of signalling me to address the figure. I turned to this being and said, "You summoned us, your highness?"

The ruler replied, "Revan and Malak, you have been with us for almost a year and have been reasonably assimilated into our society. Now, who is your master?"

Malak and I replied, "The Emperor."

"How are you and the force?"

"The force has served us well."

"What code do you follow?"

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion
Through passion I gain strength
Through strength I gain power
Through power I gain victory
Through victory my chains are broken
And the force shall free me."

"What do you think of the Jedi and the Republic?"

"They either bow down to the Sith, the true rulers of the galaxy, or face their own destruction."

The being smiled, "At last, you see. Revan and Malak are finally worthy to become members of the Dark Council as Dark Lords of the Sith. Do you dare try to prove yourselves worthy?"

After the Emperor said this, I wanted to say "no," and run from the room as quickly as possible. However, something almost seemed to push my conscience aside so that I was no longer a participant in the conversation, but an observer. My old self replied to this Emperor sitting on the throne, "We dare, master. What must we do to prove ourselves worthy of the title Dark Lord?"

At that moment I awoke. Who is or was that person I bowed down to and called master? Perhaps this dream was nothing but a combination of my thoughts from Dantooine? Perhaps this is just the darkness calling me back? No, wait, if that were the case then I wouldn't have been pushed aside near the end of the dream... No, this Emperor was going to make me a Dark Lord of the Sith on the Dark Council. This Emperor is out there, perhaps with an entire army, waiting for Malak and I to return from whatever we had to do to prove ourselves worthy...  What if the Emperor does not wait any longer for Malak and me to come back?

This Emperor probably knows that Malak and I aren't coming back... and I've returned to the Jedi! This twofold betrayal could be a convenient excuse to invade the Republic, a Republic that would be doomed without the Emperor's armies firing a single laser. However, these are only mere speculations. I need more before I can act on what I have learned. The only person who can help me is Sera Degana, because she remembers what happened to the Revanchist and she's the only one that I can trust with in revealing the contents of my dream. As I recall, she told me that all of the Revanchist and Republic personnel under my command followed us into deep space where we completed our fall to the dark side.

Forgive me, Sera, for I have to bring up painful memories. I doubt that what we found in deep space was pleasant. Unfortunately, you are the only one that I can trust and only you have the answers to what I seek.

Revan Journals, and Serea Apostolia [c] vadess40
Serea Degana, Kobayashi, and Brotherhood of Shadow [c] silveredge9
Characters: Female Darth Revan
Female Darth Revan and KOTOR [c] Bioware and LucasArts

Can I Place My Faith?

Can I Place My Faith?

Can I place my faith,
in this chair when I sit?
Can I place my faith,
and relax in it?

Can I trust in the sun?
Can I trust in the moon?
Can I depend on daylight to shine?
Can I trust the moon to glow?

If I go to the stop at the corner,
will the bus eventually come?
If I go to the bank,
will my money still be there?

Will the grocery store always be full?
Will Wal-Mart’s prices always be low?

Can I have faith in nature?
Can I put any trust in the world?
If people make a promise,
can I rely on them to keep their word?

I put faith in nature and the world.
I trust people at their word.
I put my faith in things from the world.
What about the One in heaven?

Can I have faith in God above?
Can I trust in His love?
Can I depend on the Lord of hosts?
Can I believe He is close?

Can I go to church and trust in Him?
Can I trust He’ll hear, even when my voice is thin?
 Can I believe God is there?
Can I trust He heard my prayer?

Do I believe God rises the sun?
Is He there when I am having fun?
Can I thank Him when I don’t have to push or pull,
and my stomach is nice and full?

Can I trust God when life is empty?
Can I have faith when I feel lost and dumb?
Is God real when I’m cold and numb?
Do I have faith when I’m on the run?

Is God my God when life is high?
Is He Lord when my grades are good and my mouth isn’t dry?
Can I have faith in God above?
Can I depend on His unfailing love?

Is God my God when I’m bored?
Is He there when I’m being ignored?
Do I still have faith when life is hard?
Is He the Lord if I get no reward?

It’s subjective how one answers these.
Yet hear me, if you please.
The answer to all of them is yes.
God is God during times of chaos and times of rest.

There is more to faith, then religion.
There is more to trust then going to church.
It includes sitting in a chair that you hope won’t break.
It involves driving across a bridge that may drop you in a lake.

Faith trusts in God when times are tough.
Faith obeys God when life is rough.
Faith believes in God when my fridge is empty.
Faith is when I give prayers of thanks to God when no roof covers me. 

Can I have faith in a chair?
Can I have faith in the Lord?
God knows every hair.
God knows when I’m happy and when I’m bored.

If I can place faith in my chair,
I can place my faith in my God.
Just like I trust shining stars,
I have faith in the God who is near and far.

Poem Description

This poem is in response to a prompt called faith. The prompt asks, "This weeks theme is Faith. Is Faith really just religion? Is it more like trust?" In my poem, my answer is that faith is not just religion. Rather it incorporates almost everything we do from having faith that the chair you sit in won't break underneath you to having faith that God is listening when you pray. When it comes to spirituality, my faith in God through Jesus Christ allows me to stand up underneath the trials that life brings me and emerge a better person than I was at the beginning.