Revan's Legacy

Author: me, vadess40
Game: Knights of the Old Republic
Characters: Female Darth Revan
Disclaimer: Originally posted here. Female Darth Revan and KOTOR belong to Bioware and LucasArts

As I gaze upon the valley
And see the tombs of the Sith Lords of old
My heart becomes quite heavy
And sadness takes hold

I look upon the work of my hands
Students digging for treasures
That are hidden deep within these dark lands
Oblivious to their enslavement to the darkness' pleasures

I am Revan
What I see is a results of my plans
Plans that are long forgotten
And must be destroyed and brought to a bitter end

I am a Jedi and I regret my former dark life
If only I had not fallen in deep space
Then these students would not be at this place,
And they wouldn't be lost in this twisted world of deception and strife

I was the Dark Lady Revan
I was once their empress and leader
Now all they see in me is a pathetic seeker
A hopeful, who just wants what Revan lost to her betrayer

I am the Jedi Revan
I will not seek revenge
I will only see justice served
For those on Telos and Taris who died by Darth Revan's word

No, I cannot deny what I once was
But I will not embrace it either!
I will fight it with all my strength
A strength that must not wither!

I am Revan
I was Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith
I was the Sith Empire's Queen
Hopefully my legacy can be redeemed

I am Revan
Now I am reborn
Now I am a Jedi
Hopefully I can be forgiven in the galaxy's eye


Follow up to my Countless Droplets of Power. So in KOTOR Revan can either be redeemed or fall back to the dark side again. For my play through, she chooses the light side and is redeemed. So, this poem takes place between after she learns the truth and the ultimate no turning back choice. Enjoy!

Poem- Countless Droplets of Power

Countless Droplets of Power

Author: me, vadess40

Game: Knights of the Old Republic

Characters: Female Darth Revan

Disclaimer: Female Darth Revan and KOTOR belong to Bioware and LucasArts 

Countless droplets of blood were spilled

As the Mandalorians fought with skill

This is how they indoctrinated the Revanchist into war

With all of its wonder and horror

There is no emotion, there is peace

Once those words brought me relief

Now they only bring confusion 

I no longer know what truth is

I am here on this battle field because the Jedi failed

They ignored the Outer Rim's pleas and wails

They refused to help when the Republic called

For, force forbid anyone make them leave their Temple's walls

In this battle, I fought like a Jedi

I aimed to bring peace and restore order

Now I must decide: 

Did my battle strategy cause us to die?

As I write this it now starts to rain

Yet the countless droplets can't wash away confusion and pain

Why did I lose when the light side always wins?

How could Mandalorian philosophy make our numbers thin?

A thought has entered my mind

Perhaps it is time for my battle strategy to be revised

Perhaps the Jedi are blind

And the truth is that the light side only leads to destruction and demise

No, that cannot be true…

Since I was a little girl I've been taught the Jedi way 

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge

Yet all the knowledge that I have known has resulted in loss

What if we lost because the Jedi way is loss?

What if the Jedi way is in vain?

Perhaps the Revanchist will only bring about the Republic's destruction...

Unless we show our enemies the weaknesses within their philosophy, and exploit them

No! Their philosophy, their words are the path to the dark side

Yet what can be done to turn this losing tide?

I did not come to fall but to save

Yet so many people from this war are now in their grave

Remember: There is no passion, there is serenity

There is no chaos, there is harmony

There is no death there is the force

As I look around, my laugh is coarse

No, peace and serenity are lies

Death is clearly everywhere 

Chaos and passion are the ways of the worlds

Those who think otherwise are clearly blind fools

No, peace is a lie; there is only passion

In order to win

Must embrace passions within

Or suffer the fate of the weak

Through passion I gain strength

With this strength, I can crush the Mandalorians,

Save the Republic 

And see that the soldiers and Jedi who fell to the Mandalorians have their revenge!

Revenge? What am I thinking?

Revenge is a path to the dark side

The embracing of passion leads there too

Perhaps these thoughts are the path to ruin…

No, the way of the Jedi leads to ruin!

It is a way that leads to doom…

No, through strength I gain power

Power to crush the Mandalorians

Yes, and through power I gain victory

Through victory my chains are broken and the force shall free me

And the force will free us from tyranny

And the force will free the galaxy

This is the new code of the Revanchist

Just through reciting those words, I can feel the power within my fist!

The countless droplets of power are will be mine as long as I remember:

Peace is a lie, there is only passion

Through passion I gain strength

Through strength I gain power

Through power I gain victory

Through victory my chains are broken

And the force shall free me

May these words of power and glory

Remain forever in my memory

Cower in fear you Mandalorians

For General Revan has now arisen as a greater being

A being that will have her vengeance and destroy you

For I am Revan, a being of countless droplets of darkness, vengeance and power

Poem's Description

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and posted it the website, DeviantArt in response to a poetical prompt Countless Droplets from the group #Love-4-Dark-Poetry.  It is fan poem inspired by My favourite video game of all time is Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR), which takes place 4000 years before the Star Wars movies.


For those unfamiliar with KOTOR, Revan rebelled against the Jedi Council because the Council refused to aid the Republic during the Mandalorian Wars. She did so by leading a faction of Jedi, called The Revanchist, to defy the council and become Jedi Generals in the Republic Navy. This poem takes place after the Battle of Dagory Minor; this battle happened three weeks after the Revanchist rally where Revan recruits numerous Jedi, including Shadow, on Dantooine. In this battle they get their first taste of what the Mandalorians are capable of and lose. Shadow concludes her version of the tale by describing how all the Revanchist decided that in order to defeat the Mandalorians, they had to become like their enemy and embrace war.

In the PC version of the game you can download various modifications for the game. One of my favourite modifications for KOTOR, which is really an expansion pack is  Brotherhood of Shadow: Solomon's Revenge  (BOS). In the mod the game's protagonist, Revan, the woman on the right in the above picture, can ask her former assassin, Shadow, the Twi lek on the left and the protagonist of the BOS, about the Mandalorian Wars and the different battles they both fought in when they are on the ship the characters travel around in, the Ebon Hawk.

In this poem, Revan sneaks back on to the battle field where they lost and contemplates what has just happened. In this poem I had hoped to capture the conflict that was going on within her, because she now has a choice to make: Do I accept the loss and continue fighting like a Jedi or do I become like my enemy and embrace their philosophy in order win?

In this poem I included both the Jedi and Sith codes because the battle and it's aftermath are the beginning of Revan's fall to the dark side. Mandalorian and Sith philosophy is so similar that for a Jedi to fight like the Mandalorian is indirectly choosing to fight like the Sith.  Even though Shadow says that Revan's feelings were being felt by all the Jedi at that moment, I believe that Revan was the one who who took the first step as it is said everywhere that all the Jedi, save one, who followed Revan to war fell along with her. While it was their choice whether to side with the Exile or side with Revan, it still doesn't change the fact that Revan was the first to fall and the one who pushed everyone along with her.


The cover art below is from the Malachor V flashback in Brotherhood of Shadow: Solomon's Revenge.

 I enjoyed writing this and I hope you all like it. Feel free to leave both positive feedback and constructive criticism!

Robert Frost- Acquainted with the Night

I receive poetry in my inbox from About.com every morning. I received this poem this morning and I rather enjoyed it, so I decided to share it with you.

Acquainted with the Night
Robert Frost


I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye,
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

This poem can be found at this link http://quotations.about.com/cs/poemlyrics/a/Acquainted_With.htm

Good poem, I liked it.

The Opposite

"If every instinct you have is wrong than the opposite must be right," was spoken numerous times in the season 5 episode 22 and 86th overall episodes of Seinfeld where George does The Opposite. The logic behind that show was that everything in George's life went wrong because he followed his basic instinct. I don't think this rule applies to everything but I think it does with finances, especially mine. 

Face it Andrena, you are horrible with your finances. You spend the money  that God provides you unwisely, and this bad habit ends up hurting the people you love dearly. Everything that comes naturally to you about money has been 100% wrong. Yes, I agree with this philosophy. I spend, hoard, fail to see money's value and at the rate I'm going to be living on the streets with broken dreams, lost hopes, and no real future. If every instinct I have about money is wrong, then the opposite must be right.

I never thought I'd catch myself adopting a philosophy from the show Seinfeld as my own but I feel that this is an act of desperation before I do not have the chance to do the opposite but pure desperation.

Alright George Costanza, I will adopt your religion. If every instinct I have about finances is wrong and leads to heart ache, than the opposite must be right. So, from now on, with God's help of course, I will do the opposite. Up is down, black is white, good is bad, right is wrong, and want I want I don't want. 

This is for you, God, and this is for you, mom!

By the way, this ISN'T A JOKE.  I AM DEAD SERIOUS! IF EVERY INSTINCT I HAVE IS WRONG, THAN THE OPPOSITE MUST BE RIGHT. THEREFORE, I WILL DO THE OPPOSITE!

Canadian Winter

One of the realities of living in Canada is the dramatic changes in temperature throughout the year. The harshest of those seasons is winter, which occurs for at least 4 months of the year. For some Canadians winter is a hard truth they have to put up with until spring comes. For other Canadians, it is an ingrained part of their way of life. Either way, winter is a part of being Canadian and in many ways it defines us as a country. As a Canadian, I have had to come to terms with living in winter over my almost 22 years of life. 

As a kid, winter was a fun but cold time. It was the time when I could build snowmen, go toboganning, and eat hot chocolate. During my grade school years winter was the one season where I was pretty much guaranteed unexpected days off from school due to snow or freezing rain. During my high school years the negative views of the cold and living in a country with winter began to rub off and me and I saw winter as an evil that I could not escape every year. Now that I am a young adult, and a Christian, my opinions of winter have changed. I would prefer a winter without the cold, but I do see why God created different parts of the world to have 4 seasons.

First, my understanding of Genesis 1 is that the seasons are a part of God's original creation. I believe that the 4 season- spring, summer, fall, and winter- occurring in both hemispheres at opposite times of the year were created on day 2 of creation week in Genesis 1:14-15 when "God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.”" On that day God made the earth rotate on its axis, which tilts toward and away from the sun, as it orbitted the sun. When the northern or southern hemisphere is tilted farther away from the sun, it is going through winter. Not only was winter a part of God's original design, it was also designed for good. 

How is winter good? Well, winter in Canada gives nature, and people, a time of rest. During the winter the animals and plants don't really do anything- plants don't make their seeds and reproduce, the trees shed their leaves and don't actively produce food or seeds, most animals hibrenate or fly south and don't reproduce during those times, and the animals that stay mostly scavenge for food and keep to themselves.  The same can be said for people- Besides working in the barns to keep their livestock alive, farmers can't do much in the winter because they can't grow and harvest crops. I think that God originally designed winter to be a season of rest from the majority work, so that they can re-cooperate for the warm seasons to come in the following year. 

 Another good thing about winter is that it allows us to do fun things that can't be done in the summer. For example, we can't go skiing or snow boarding in the summer. We don't play hockey, which is big Canada, during the summer nor do we usually cook roasts or make hot drinks like hot chocolate in the summer. Finally we don't get to see the beauty of the snow or icicles on the trees after a snow fall. This form of beauty is only available to those who have winter, and it is only appreciated by those who have winter.  It is also what makes Christmas in Canada different from Christmas elsewhere, because we can't imagine a snowless Christmas unless they travel to Florida or the tropics every single year.  Without winte there would be no Saturday nights with Hockey Night in Canada, Sunday with curling or figure skating; and there would be no Winterlude in Ottawa in February and Ottawa wouldn't have the longest skating rink in the world, and and there would be no Winter Olympics to cheer on and celebrate Canadian athletes. The list could go on and on.

During the dull period in the winter I think it is important to focus on the positive aspects of winter and how Canada would not be Canada without it. Some of us say they've spent Christmas south of the border and enjoyed it without the snow and the cold just fine, and I'm sure that is true. However, the only reason Canadians can truly say that and appreciate the warm weather and the beauty of spring, summer, and fall is because they have winter. Without winter and the cold weather, the warm weather is just a part of the normal routine  and would just blow over our heads. The people in the warm countries cannot really appreciate the warm weather they have like we do because they do not know what it's like for the warm   weather to be absent 4+ months of the year.

Winter is a part of what it means to be Canadian. As a Canadian, I have grown to adapt to the changing of seasons and  nature's extremes. As a Christian, I have come to appreciate how the seasons point towards a Creator who is so beautiful, wonderful, powerful, and good. Futhermore, I have come to see that winter is not all bad. Yes, there are days in January where I wish that I could walk outside without putting on a huge coat and thick boots or enjoy the snow without the cold; however, that doesn't mean I would rather be anywhere else but in Canada.  

My call to fellow Canadians is to focus on the postive aspects of living in an area of the world with 4 seasons. Each of these seasons has their own unique beauty and characteristics. These seasons give Canada a beauty that is both magnificent and changing, and are part of what makes Canada Canada and defines us as Canadians. 

God Passing the Torch: The Passing of Jack Layton

Today at 4:45am the New Democratic Party lost their leader, Jack Layton, to cancer. Jack Layton became the leader of the NDP in 2003 and brought immediate improvement to the NDP's political performance and became a strong voice of the working class in Canada. He had a long history of  fighting for social justice issues and making sure the average Canadian was represented in the government. When he was working in Toronto in the 1980s, he stood up for the homeless residing there as well as for the environment. This past political election he successfully lead the NDP to become the official opposition in federal Canadian politics for the first time in Canadian history. Prior to this, it was always the Liberals or the Conservatives who would form the government and the other form the opposition. This past election saw the Liberals,  and the Bloc Quebecois (BQ), be severely reduced in seats and lose their place as the opposition to the NDP.  Now, the NDP must prepare for when parliament resumes in the fall, as they now need to choose a new leader.

I first started getting interested in politics when Paul Martin was prime minister and he called the election that would see the liberal government win a minority. This election would prove to be the start of a  series of unfortunate events for the liberals as they lost their place as the majority government and then they lost their place as the ruling party in Canada to the Conservatives in 2006. It also paved the way for  the Conservatives to get the majority on May 5, 2011. Throughout this time, the NDP started gaining recognition and respect as a force to be reckoned with in parliament. Between 2004 and 2011, Jack Layton always stood out to me as a more positive and optimistic leader. I enjoyed listening to what he had to say and I really admired him for standing up for the average Canadian worker. Furthermore, he was a fighter and was not afraid to stand up for his values. As I grew into young woman, my political views drifted a way from Layton's, and I chose to not vote for the NDP in 2008 and 2011; nevertheless, he always stood out to me as a strong leader who really stood up for the Canadian people.

It seems that he had that effect on every Canadian. Reading the Twitter and Facebook posts about him reveal that he was admired by people who did and did not cast their ballot in his favour. He was also respected in municipal politics when he served as a city councillor in Toronto, and federal politics. I remember how the NDP kept gaining seats on Parliament Hill, and really stirred the political landscape in Canada; it is no longer the Liberals vs. the Conservatives but the Liberals vs. the Conservatives vs. the NDP vs. the BQ. Finally, in 2011  he successfully succeeded in leading his party to forming the official opposition.Now, the BQ is not even an official, party as you need 10 seats to be considered an official party in the House of Commons and the BQ only won 4. He also practically gift wrapped the majority victory and gave it to Stephen Harper. The 4 party battle was reduced on the May 2, 2011 to two parties, the Conservatives vs. the NDP. Will that continue beyond the next election, which will be in 2015? That all depends on what the NDP, as well as the Conservatives, Liberals, and the BQ do next. The Liberals and the BQ have to choose new leaders too, and the provinces, except for Nova Scotia, are going into their provincial elections. The choices the people make in their respective provinces; and the choices the NDP, Liberals, BQ, and Conservatives make as they choose their new leaders and the Conservatives run the country will determine what the outcome of the 2015 election. Makes me glad that  God has already decided and already knows what's going to happen over the next 4 years. 

Death is a mysterious thing. Some days it is expected, while other days it is completely uncalled for. There are people on earth that everyone wishes would die,  while there are other people who's friends and colleagues wish that day would never come. Everyone in Canada knew Layton took a leave of absence to battle cancer on July 25 so that he could come when Parliament resumes in the fall.  No one would've guessed that cancer had other plans. For me, I am thankful at these times that God is the one who is ultimately in control and  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9, TNIV).

Clearly, God is shaking up the political landscape in Canada. I don't know why God allowed Jack Layton to see Canada's political Promised Land from a distance and not let him enter, like He did with Moses, but I know God already has a "Joshua" in mind who will catch the torch and take the NDP the rest of the way. God works in mysterious and unthinkable ways, but those ways do have a pattern time and time again. He rose up Joshua in place of Moses, Solomon in place of David, and Elisha in place of Elijah; and in the NT John the Baptist was succeeded by Jesus, and Stephen was succeeded by Paul and then finally Paul was succeeded by Timothy. God will reveal the leaders who will carry the NDP, BQ, and the Liberals forward.  As we look to the future that God has in store, we also look back and thank Him for raising up an optimistic leader who stood up and fought for social justice and the working class in Canada.

LifeSprings 2.0 Newsletter

Need-to-know Information for this coming Sunday, August 21 at 9:30AM...

This week you can join us back at the Taylors at 9:30AM as we continue our core re-plant meetings. This week Ross Gilbert will be explaining how pain, suffering and brokenness are necessary ingredients of life and a "Community of Grace". Although it doesn't sound all that fun ... lol ... you won't want to miss it. This is so crucial in understanding how we are to live as Christ Followers and members of a Grace Filled Community.

Pot Luck Lunch: bring sandwiches and a side dish (either desert or salad) -- enough for you and 2 others.

Looking forward to seeing you all,


Joel Bennett
LifeSpring 2.0 Launch Director

_____________________________
Directions to the home of Bryan and Jaqua Taylor:

GOOGLE MAP: http://maps.google.ca/maps?q=30+Sunbridge+Crescent,+Kitchener,+Ontario&hl=en&ll=43.489576,-80.486355&spn=0.023974,0.045104&sll=43.489737,-80.478299&sspn=0.011987,0.022552&z=15



30 Sunbridge Crescent is located near Bridge and University area:

- Take the expressway to University Avenue, exit east bound

- Turn right at first lights onto Bridge St (southbound)

- Turn left at next lights onto Bridle Trail

- Follow Bridal Trail around several curves down the hill into the trees

- Turn right on Sunbridge crescent.

- #30 is on the left at the end of the street



Contacts:

Bryan Taylor (Elder) 519-498-7413 bryan.taylor@lifespringcf.ca

Joel Bennett (2.0 Launch Director) 519-501-9531 joel@breakthroughsolutions.ca

If you have missed any of the Sunday messages, you can listen to them on LifeSpring’s website: http://lifespringcf.ca/pwsite/page.php?linkID=24301&churchID=

LifeSpring's on Facebook! Please see https://www.facebook.com/LifeSpringCF to get all the updated information on LifeSpring events and other postings!

The Truth about Human Beings

This blog article is going be blunt and full of emotion. It'll even have some coarse language, but I don't care. Why this surge of emotion? I am done, just done with the whole "God is a violent God who kills innocent children and condones genocide" and the whole lot that comes out of this anti-Christian crowd. This talk is proof that human beings are really a bunch of idiots. Furthermore we are blind idiots (I say we because I'm a blind idiot too). There is no simply reason for us to yell at God for all the "violence" He's committed against the His creation, because human beings started it. We were the first to be violent and we have dished out violence since the beginning; violence from God is just Him giving us a good taste of our own medicine.

Human beings have been around for 100,000 years at most; what do we have to say for ourselves? NOTHING!!!! We, whether via the fall or human evolution, are nothing but  evil beings who destroy ourselves, other people, and/or creation. Our only truly innocent days are 0 to 3years, give or take a few. There are no "innocent kids", there are no perfectly "innocent people". There are greedy people; lying people; adulterous and sexually immoral people; murdering people; infanticide and genocide committing people; rude people and obnoxious people; racist, sexist, prejudice, classist,  and homophobic people. There are no innocent people. What's the story of human evolution at the end of the day? Animals who evolved after years of  greed, violence, murder to emerge as the survivor of the fittest.

If I added up all the violence committed by God in the Bible and throughout human history, it would never add up or even come close to what human beings have done against God, against each other, and against creation ever since they walked across the face of the earth. Don't you humans get it?! The only reason God judes anyone is because people are sinful, violent creatures.

For example, why did Noah's flood happen? It wasn't because He wanted to see what the earth would be like as a giant swimming pool, or because people were getting too loud. The earth was struck by a global flood because God was so sick and tired of all the violence, greed, and all the sin that humans were doing on earth, that His loving grace ran out. Don't tell me: God included all the little innocent kids in the flood. There are no innocent kids. Visit a school yard sometime; you won't find the innocent kids. Kids are the reason why I dreaded going to elementary school. They're why some people commit suicide in their teen years, or younger. No, kids aren't innocent, they just have less resources. The kids who died in the flood weren't innocent or there were no kids because sinful human beings killed them all.  The fact that God bothered to spare Noah and his family is amazing, considering none of them were innocent either, they were just the only family left that followed God. We do read after the flood in Genesis 9 that Noah was a drunk, and Ham was a rude, gossiping back stabber.

Another example is the conquering of Canaan in the book of Joshua. The people who lived in the promised land before Israel weren't innocent either. They practice the grossest of sexual immorality, incest, and bestiality; they practiced child sacrifice; they worshiped some of the most cruel and perverse false gods; and if you bothered to read outside sources during that time period, you would find that nobody liked them because they were that's how bad those people were. 

 I fail to see how we can look at God and look at themselves and keep coming to the same conclusion that God's the one who is always at fault over and over and over. WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE THE PROBLEM AND WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE AT FAULT. THE PROBLEM IS US HUMANS, NOT CREATOR GOD. God doesn't owe us anything, He doesn't have to apologize for anything, and He certainly does not have to answer for anything. Sometimes I think the only "mistake" that God made was creating human beings. The fact that He did astounds me to know end. Doesn't matter how He did it (evolution or 6 days), the point is He did and I still think He's crazy, because He continues to put up with us. 

When I about the legacy human beings have left creation, especially the legacy of the past 100-150 years, I'm amazed God didn't wipe us completely off the face of the earth when He sent the flood. Look at the past 100-150 years: 2 world wars, millions of wars in between, weapons of mass destruction that could wipe out billions of people in a matter of seconds, human greed just making the poor poorer, gross social injustices, genocides in Rwanda and Germany, the worst forms of racism (South African Apartheid, southern US), and atrocities committed by Atheist governments like Soviet Russia, Nazi Germany, and Communist China. Even God's kids can't behave themselves in this world: Crusades, worse attacks against everyone basically, corruption in all denominations, Antisemitism, and some of the worst and most oppressive forms of patriarchy. See? The only thing we is a one way trip to hell.

The only reason some of us are not so bad is that we were born in the right place at the right time and in the right situation, but not even that saves us. Can we even go live through 24 hours without looking lustfully at someone, coveting material possessions, or telling a lie? No, we can't. There are no innocent bystanders, except for Jesus. I think the only reason why Jesus was completely sinless, no evil bone in His body or thought or feeling in His heart, is because He is fully God.  Jesus didn't deserve Good Friday. God the Father didn't deserve Good Friday. God the Holy Spirit didn't deserve Good Friday. God the Son, in the person of Jesus Christ, didn't deserve to come to earth at all. He deserved to be in heaven and enjoy complete and full fellowship with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Finally, God in Three Persons DOES NOT deserve any of this bullshit that His creatures keep throwing at Him, whether in their actions, their words or their deeds. 

How can we be so blind to what our species is really like? We can't even take 100% responsibility for our actions, even when it is clearly and 100% caught on tape; just read the stupid apology one woman made after she was caught on camera stealing clothing from a men's store during the Vancouver riots. The Bible is not a story about the violent, tyrannical, sinful God. It's about the tyrannical, sinful, violent human race and their graceful Creator who unbelievably decided to pull them out of the pit they dug themselves because that's how loving and gracious He is. 

If God were to wipe us all off the face of the earth, creation wouldn't suffer at all. In fact, I think it would  breathe a sigh of relief and cheer. I wouldn't complain if God wiped us all off the face of the earth; serves us right. I didn't even deserve to be born, never mind being able to sit down and write this blog article. The fact that I'm alive now doesn't make sense. The fact that I have anything doesn't make sense. The fact that I'm in a relationship with the Triune God through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ doesn't make sense. 

Good Friday would have made sense if Jesus had used His divine abilities to wipe us all of the face of the earth. Instead, He came to earth to suffer and die and pay the penalty for our sin that day. That's why God is unfair and why He doesn't make sense. God makes sense when He punishes and gives people exactly what their sins deserved. He doesn't make sense when He shows anyone grace and/or provides any way of salvation.  God doesn't make sense and He isn't fair. That's why He is so wonderful, loving, gracious, unbelievable yet believable, and SO worthy of all the worship and praise that people and creatures and angelic beings in all creation dish out... I'm amazed God even allows me to do that because, I'm sure I suck at it!

Jesus, if I ever complain and say Oh, God is so violent and He is such a tyrant, etc. I hope you just kill me immediately.  Hurl lightening bolts, hit me with a car, make a be-header appear, or whatever just as long as I'm dead within the hour. I'm dead serious, no pun intended. No, the moment a complaint like that comes out, that's be it for me. Jesus, You, the Father, and the Spirit do not deserve any this. There should be rows and rows of books that contain us humans complaining about ourselves; not us complaining about You, the Triune God; but us complaining about ourselves. God rocks and is wonderful and loving because He created us, spared us, and provided a way of salvation for us for no reason other than  that He loves us. We suck, because we decided to follow in the footsteps of our first parents, Adam and Eve,  and rebel against God and make God and His creation go through hell and back. The only thing that can, save, and is saving, our sorry asses is our Creator, the gracious and loving God. If He wasn't gracious and loving, we would all be 100% doomed, dead, and in hell.


BTW, if you don't like violent a God, don't be a sinful and violent person. If you can't take it, don't dish it!! And that goes for you too, Andrena!!!

Road Trip 2 the Falls!!!

As LifeSprings Christian Fellowship prepares to move into the Empire Theaters in Waterloo, they traveled on Sunday, August 14, 2011 to Niagara Falls, ON to attend Church at the Falls at 10am. There, they got to experience how a LifeChurch Campus does church in a theater. Overall, it was a positive experience and gave us a much better idea about what moving into a theater will be like. 

A couple of positive things that we encountered at Church at the Falls included being greeted as soon as we walked in, their engaging and interactive worship band, getting to hear an excellent message from Craig about learning to speak boldly about what you believe deeply. I found that the Church @ the Falls really took advantage of the kind of socializing going to the movies brings out in people, such as spending time talking to them before and after the service. Finally, when the service started and the theater went dark, everyone was able to focus on what was happening at the front. 

I found that the message was good. Craig explained that people speak boldly about what they believe deeply. Some biblical examples were taken from the book of Acts (Acts 9:28, 14:3). This truth is true about a lot of things. For example, if you deeply believe that people should not eat meat, you will speak boldly about being vegetarian and vegetarian dishes. Another example is politics: if you deeply believe that a certain political party or view point is the best way to run the country you live in, you will speak boldly about it. Deep beliefs generate bold speech. 

I have a few comments about some of the points in his sermon.  First, if you believe deeply in Christ as Saviour, you will speak/preach boldly to yourself, encourage people, lead people to Christ, and lovingly correct people. My one comment is just to be careful about what you are speaking as you don't want to be boldly speaking heresy to yourself out of ignorance. A biblical example of this is in Ancient Israel where the people were preaching boldly to themselves about stuff that sounded good but wasn't true, such as I am a child of Israel and God would never destroy Jerusalem or send us into exile; the temple, His home, is here after all.  In 582BC that bold preaching proved to be very unhelpful because they were exiled and the temple was destroyed. Just be careful that in preaching to yourself, or speaking boldly about Christ to your non-Christian peers, that you know the truth before you start speaking it. 

The final point was if you don't speak boldly, you might not believe as deeply. This is true about all religions, I think. If you deeply believe that your religion or spirituality is the key to having a fulfilled and abundant life, you will speak boldly about it and lead people to it. Hence why books like the God Delusion exist. Richard Dawkins deeply believes in atheism and thinks that it is the way to have an abundant life on earth, so he writes books and tries to lead people away from theism to atheism. In the same way, believers in Christ will lead people to Christ by default.  They are not the people out with the signs that say your all going to hell, because that would not be very Christ-like. No they lead people Christ by showing that He means something now beyond sparing us from an unfortunate after-life. 

From being in a more non-Christian and liberal Christian environment, I've found that speaking boldly and leading people to Christ can be subtle. For example, you can voice a Christian view of a controversial issue (abortion, capital punishment, etc.) without it being blatantly Christian. A good idea is to give an answer that's complete but leaves open the possibility of people asking questions. If questions are asked, go deeper; if no questions are asked, leave it at that. Always remember, when you speak boldly, boldly speak with wisdom and love. 

So, that's my take on the trip to Church @ the Falls. I can't wait to move into the movie theater with LifeSprings in September!!

Capital Punishment- Why not?

In my second blog article on capital punishment, I talked about what the Bible says on the issue. My conclusion was that Scripture is more for the retention, and not abolition, of the death penalty. Now, I've turned to the ethical reasons for not having capital punishment. For the most part, I've researched why there should not be capital punishment because the reasons for it are mostly based on a Judeo-Christian basis. The Old and New Testament are clear that if someone takes a life, the state has the permission from God to take the life of the perpetrator in return. Other arguments for the use of the death penalty include it is a deterrent, and it ensures the offender will never harm anyone again. There is also a third argument that I will address in the next blog article. 

Abolitionists look at these arguments and shake their heads for the most part. To them the arguments for the use of capital punishment are more in theory and not reality. Does killing people because they killed people, really deter people from going on to kill more people? Well, in the southern states the answer is a no because they carry out 80% of executions in the country and they are the ones with the highest murder rate. The 12 states that no longer practice capital punishment have the lowest crime rates. If capital punishment was really a deterrent, one would think that it would be the 12 abolitionist states and not the southern states. 

In the mind of 88% of the criminologists, the death penalty is not a deterrence to people committing homicide.  

In the public view, only 2% of the people said that insufficient use of the death penalty was an interference to effective law enforcement, while the top two causes of interference were alcohol and substance abuse, and lack of law enforcement resources.  61% of people opted for alternatives sentences for the death penalty. According to the public, life without parole and restitution is the best punishment for capital crime. Obviously, as Largo64 said in his video on the electric chair, "Capital punishment has never been a deterrent to capital crime." Is there a real deterrent to people committing any crime? A question for another blog article. 

Does the death penalty ensure that the offender will never harm anyone ever again? The obvious answer is yes. Corpses cannot commit capital or any other type of crime unless they are brought back to life, and no one has and no one will try to bring an executed criminal back to life.  Unfortunately the death penalty also removes the hope that an innocent person wrongfully convicted will ever be free. 

Corrupt court officials, lousy defense attorneys, questionable investigation by the police, and/or poor evidence can result in an innocent person being wrongfully convicted and sentenced to death. According to the Death Penalty Information Center (DIPC) 138 people have been released from death row since 1973 because their innocence was proven.  It also quotes, "There is no way to tell how many of the over 1,000 people executed since 1976 may also have been innocent. Courts do not generally entertain claims of innocence when the defendant is dead. Defense attorneys move on to other cases where clients' lives can still be saved." Innocent people can be let out of jail, but they cannot be brought back from the dead. One example of a potentially innocent woman being executed is Francis Newton:

Video 1: R.I.P Frances Newton - Innocent Woman Executed by Texas

Video 2: Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Mrs. Preston

Video 3: Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Gloria Rubac

Video 4: Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Kofi Taharka

Other Miscarriages of justice

Another problem with capital punishment that was presented in the videos were the prejudices of the criminal justice system in the USA. First, there are no rich people on death row. The people who committed the worst crime imaginable and be convicted of non-capital murder or lesser charges are the ones with the best defense lawyers in the country. Second, the person has a better chance if their skin is white. According to the DIPC, 42% of death row inmates are black, which is 2% less than white inmates. 35% of executed prisoners were black and 76% of the victims in all cases where the prisoner was executed were white, while only 15% of black victim cases resulted in the execution of the perpetrator. Finally, if you are a woman your luck is a lot better as only 12 women have been executed since 1976 and since April, 2010 they only take up 1.9% of the death row inmates. It's unfortunate that Francis Newton's gender did not save her from being executed. 

It seems that justice in the 38 states that have capital punishment has a racial and gender preference, does it not? The fact of the matter is that it is human beings who are sentencing criminals. The human beings doing the sentencing will never be 100% objective. Often the the prejudices, emotions, and the thirst for vengeance  of the jury will be what seals a defendants doom. 

The above determining factors also affect what methods of execution are used. Currently lethal injection is used in all 38 retention states, along with electrocution, hanging, gas chamber and/or firing squad. All of these methods have been in and still are in heated debates over whether they are considered cruel and unusual punishments. Another method of execution is in debate too but it is not over whether it is too cruel and/or unusual. Not only does it flush out perhaps the real motivations behind the people for the use of capital punishment, but it also questions whether or not capital punishment is justice served or revenge extracted. Here in these two YouTube videos, those questions are answered:

Video 5: Last part of a BBC Documentary Titled How to Kill a Human Being

Video 6: Largo64's Video about a Humane Method of execution that may never be used

As you can see from these videos, executing prisoners maybe more about extracting revenge and not justice being served. What is the criminal justice system really saying to people when it executes a prisoner? Is it saying that killing people is wrong, or that revenge is OK? Is it saying don't commit capital crime because it is morally and legally wrong; or don't commit capital crime if you're male, poor, and/or black because the state will kill you? Does capital punishment correct society's problems or bring them to the surface? 

Good questions and they require another blog post for me to answer them.

Reference List

DPIC. (2011, July 22). Fact Sheet. Retrieved July 30, 2011, from DEATH PENALTY INFORMATION CENTER: http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/documents/FactSheet.pdf

Largo64. (2009, August 6). Death Penalty Methods Electric Chair. Retrieved July 30, 2011, from YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mZecq-hdzY

Largo64. (2009, December 4). There IS a Humane Method of Execution: And it may never be used. Retrieved July 30, 2011, from YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQPA5Rniodk&feature=related

Moody, N. (Producer), & Portillo, M. (Director). (2009). How to Kill a Human Being Part 5 [Motion Picture].

Preston, M. (2005, September 14). Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Mrs. Preston. (omradiocom, Interviewer)

Rubac, G. (2005, September 14). Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Gloria Rubac. (omradiocom, Interviewer)

Stop Executions. (2009, May 1). R.I.P Frances Newton - Innocent Woman Executed by Texas. Retrieved July 30, 2011, from YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opXktwKAN14&feature=related

Taharka, K. (2005, September 14). Frances Newton - day of Execution - interview Kofi Taharka. (omradiocom, Interviewer)

I'm putting a reference list in because I used a variety of sources and it is time for me to start getting 

back into school mode and when you are at school you source your material!

Response to the Meeting House Road Trip

I love going to the movies with my friends. I love the time spent together. I love the race for tickets and the search for good seats. I love standing and talking as we buy the popcorn and pop and making fun of all the pre-movie stuff on screen. I love anticipation that comes when the "Our Feature Presentation" comes on the screen. I love being able to sit and enjoy the movie and being able to be with people without having to interact or talk. Finally, I love talking about the movie at the end. The movie theater was designed for people, young and old, to socialize and to get away from everyday life. It is a place to have fun, be together, and reflect and be by yourself at  the same time.

Is the movie theater a good place to do church? Can a church benefit from a theater environment? I think so because the theater is a place where personal growth and reflection, and fellowship and  community come together and complement each other perfectly.

The theater environment encourages focusing on the main message/feature presentation, with  room for socializing and thinking before, during (minus socializing), and after. Furthermore, it appeals to the un-churched people because the movie theater does not say church in the traditional sense, it says church in the crazy and outside the norm. Since the norms and impressions that come with traditional church turn-off  a lot of un-churched people, the theater can bring these people into a spiritual environment and an encounter with Jesus Christ that excludes the excess and uneeded baggage.

Last Sunday, LifeSprings Christian Fellowship went on a road trip to The Meeting House church at the Empire Theater at Sportsworld. I thought it was a good experience and I enjoyed it. What's nice about a theater is that it keeps people, like me, focused. When you have aspergers like I do, you can be easily distracted in certain environments and completely focused in others. For me, the theater keeps me focused and helps me concentrate on the service and on the message being presented.  It also allows me to be in a social environment and be comfortable because it's in an environment where I can be social and in my own world at the same time. The Meeting House captured both of those elements and I think they greatly used to their advantage. I also liked that everyone else was focused on the message as soon as the sermon started. I was very comfortable in it.

I think that LifeSprings is making a good choice in moving to the theater. The next road trip is to another LifeChurch campus in Niagara Falls. I look forward to it because a) it's a road trip b) I think it'll be a better example of what Church in a Theatre, LifeSprings style will look like and c) it's always fun to go to Niagara Falls. So, I enjoyed this field trip and I look forward to the next one!

My Life with Aspergers (Revised)

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with a mild form of asperger syndrome, which is a high functioning autism. People with aspergers have an average to high IQ, have trouble understanding non-verbal cues and social norms, can be obsessive-compulsive, and can have physical clumsiness and an atypical use of language. People with it are usually very strong introverts, which can get to the point where we can spend hours- even days- without any social contact and not give it a 2nd thought.

Aspergers did not make my grade school career easy because I was certainly not normal. When I first received my diagnosis I hated it because to me it was like I had a disease for which there was no cure. Because I've grown and matured as a young woman and as a Christian, I am comfortable and OK with it. I am even sometimes thankful that God gave me aspergers because it gives  me an independent streak that has gotten me out of sticky situations.

Prior to entering post-secondary education, my social life was null for the most part. I had only 1 friend during high school, and everyone else disregarded me. Everything changed when I started university, because people are much more tolerant and accepting of those who are different in terms of their physical, mental, and social limitations. It also helped that I was blessed to have a mild form of aspergers to the point where there are times when even I forget that I have it! Unfortunately, my memory returns every Sunday because I find that no matter what church I go to, I always get uncomfortable being around all those people.

For me, going to church is hell because it's constant social interaction and I feel very uncomfortable when I am run into the kind of social interaction I get at church. Often this discomfort gets to the point where I want to run out the door. This is in sharp comparison to how I feel when I'm at school and around my peers.  Like church, my school is a strong Christian environment that is designed to foster and encourage spiritual growth as well as academic growth because it is a Bible College. Part of the reason I'd much rather be socializing with my peers is that I have a lot more reasons to do so than just for the sake of socializing.

The majority of people who have aspergers, like me, do not naturally socialize. For example, the first thing I want to do after my last exam before the summer is to go to my room and play my video games alone and not go hang out with my friends. Another example is that as soon as we're done opening Christmas presents, my first impulse is to wander off and look at the things I received by myself instead of hanging around with my family.  I find that my friends at school are more comfortable with me preferring to go off on my own  as than my family is. I've also found that my church family is like my earthly family in that it was more designed for the extroverts and natural socializers as opposed to the introverts and natural loners. This is something I've observed over the years between the different social circles I interact with. This lack of understanding can be frustrating at times, because a lot of the people I interact with on a regular basis have known that I have aspergers for a long time but seem to choose to not acknowledge it.

Going to church, talking with people after class, or going to a family reunion means I have to fight a large part of me that does not want to socialize. It's not those social groups themselves that make me want to run away, but the socializing. What causes me to warm up to socializing a lot more is when the people who I socialize with understand me. My current friends at school do understand me in more ways then 1. First, we all have Jesus Christ in common. What's nice about going to a Bible College like Emmanuel is that almost everybody's first and most important priority is their faith in Jesus Christ (I say almost because there are people who go there, where Jesus Christ is at the bottom of their priorities). Not only does that make them more understanding, I also find that it is what causes them to be more celebrating and more appreciative of differences because they all believe God created people to be different. Second, they understand me because we are a part of the same generation so our interests, values, and experiences within society as a whole are pretty much the same. Third, they are some of the few people I've met that have really tried to understand what it means to have aspergers. I've encountered people, both family and non-family, who've ignored it, tried to explain it away or make it less than what it is, have tried to cure me and make it go away, say they understand it but refuse to make some accommodations for it, fail to see how I can be better than my diagnosis, and/or they pick and choose what parts of it they'll accept and then lose patience or disregard the rest. Not my friends at school.

I have to be honest, about 50% of the stuff in the list has come from my earthly family. This has turned my off interacting with a lot of people in my heavenly/Christian family because if I can't find some degree of tolerance and understanding in my earthly family then why should I expect to find it in my heavenly family? Tolerance and understanding, something that so many people who have a liberal view of things advocate for, yet I've had to fight for and I am still fighting for in my mostly liberal family... and a family that will probably deny this completely when and if they read this but can they really get mad at me for commenting on what I've observed and experienced over the years? Not really. And they should know it's not just them. I've received this kind of treatment from people I've met at church too and from my non-church friends.Furthermore, they have loved in ways that my peers in all walks of my life have fallen short in and they do understand me in ways that my peers don't.

The need for understanding is something that I don't get at church. First, a lot of the people that talk to me are not in my age group. Although, we do have Jesus Christ in common, there is a difference between how Jesus interacts with someone in their mid-life and older as opposed to how He interacts with young adults. God meets people where they are at, and there is a difference between where a 20 year old and 40 year-old are at. Second, I find that a lot of people at church want to get to know me on a more personal level too quickly. This would not be so bad if they didn't automatically ask me really personal questions, like how I came to know the Lord. My faith story is a bit more personal than others, and  it doesn't make sense if I try to leave the more personal parts out. If you combine that with the impression I have that if you don't give them an answer, you are looked down upon.

This is true about your faith story, and even about whether you are completely honest about your week on say the first day of a small group. If I don't want to share, I don't want to share. If I don't want to hug people, I don't want to hug people. At school I have the option to share or hug people, or to not share and hug people. At church, I don't think I really have that choice or I'm frowned upon if I choose to exercise it and keep quiet about my life or refuse to hug someone. No, for people like me, we need time to get to know people more and develop real trust. I will never be comfortable sharing my faith story with someone I've only known for 5 minutes, it's as simple as that.

Another thing that turns me off is hugging. Again, if I've only known you for 5 minutes or a couple of days, I don't want to be hugged by you. Unfortunately, I almost always get the impression that talking and hugging are not optional but required in order to be a a part of the community. When I'm with my friends at school I am allowed to say Please go away or I really don't want to talk right now. People at school know when and how to keep their distance, and  they still welcome me into the community as their friend! Why can't church be like that too? People at church , and a lot of other Christian-specific places never understand that I have boundaries and they never figure it out when they are crossing them. And when they want to hug me, they just hug me! There is no seeing whether I want to accept the invitation or not, they just hug and expect me to hug back. Then I try to figure out on Saturday night why  I want to do church on Sunday morning, because there are plenty of reasons why I do not.

Another thing that really gets me mad is that people will read a blog article like this, see me reject their hug, and/or my refusing to talk and they get all mad and look down upon me even though whether I do or don't do those above things is my choice to make. It was always me who was going to see the guidance counsellor while I was in elementary school, or I was the one who needed to change and learn to ignore people, and not my peers who treated me like I was less than crap every single day. This seems to be true about a lot of things: I'm the one who is always wrong and always has the problem, and never the people I am interacting with. In fact this is true for people who have a disability or a syndrome that affects how we socialize and interact with other people- it's always the person who's an introvert, or the one with aspergers, or the one who's blind, or the one who has autism who always has the problem in any situation and never the people who want to hug us, talk to us, tease us, and/or ignore us.

Ah Saturday night. It's the night where the battle over whether I should make the trek to church occurs every week. Sometimes I'm at church the following morning and sometimes I'm not. It's a battle that only fellow brothers and sisters with aspergers would understand. It gets annoying when people who don't have aspergers try to give me advice about how "fix" my tendencies and help me "win" my Saturday evening battle. I know, at least I think I know, that you all want to help but with all do respect, you don't know what you're talking about. Aspergers is not a disease that is affecting my body and once the disease is removed everything goes back to normal. Aspergers is a part of my being that affects everything, including my relationship with God, and it is something that cannot really be "cured". It is controllable and it can be managed, but all the control and management in the world won't get rid of it completely.

 I just want to say that I have never been hurt by the church. Part of the reason people at church are not more careful and cautious around me is because a lot of people at church don't know that I have it because it is something that I don't share right away. In fact, sometimes I forget I have it because there are times when I am perfectly comfortable with socializing and I act relatively "normal" until I do something that's socially unorthodox. Then I think to myself, Why did I do that...? Oh yeah, I have aspergers- Damn you! In a lot of ways, the church has helped me a lot because God uses it to push me outside of my comfort zone and improve my social skills. It's also one of the few work places that shows more mercy when my aspergers comes out. 

If I could summarize how aspergers has affected my so far 21 years of life, I would use the opening to one of Charles Dickens' greatest works, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."- Opening paragraph of a "Tale of Two Cities".

You are probably noticing that I talk about me and my aspergers like they're separate people. That's because aspergers is a part of me but it is not me. Just like when Paul talks about his or the flesh he is referring to something that is in him and is a part of him, but it is separate from and is not him. The only Person I ever want to be defined by is Jesus Christ. A part from Him nothing, including aspergers, really matters. In Christ, everything falls into balance and aspergers falls into its rightful place.   Finally, it is only by trusting in Christ that I can continually be better than I already am.

As my life continues, I hope to strive to be better than who I am now. This is true in my relationship with God, my relationship with others, and my relationship with my aspergers. I like to consider myself like Captain Picard and the android, Data in Star Trek: Nemesis. In the movie, Data discovers a prototype android, B4, that looks exactly like him and Picard encounters his clone, Shinzon. In many ways B4 and Shinzon are exact replicas of Picard and Data to the point where for Picard and Data to look at Shinzon and B4 in the eye is to look in a mirror. However, they are not them because Picard and Data strive to be better than they were, Shinzon and B4 did not. The one thing, or rather the One Person, that separates me from Picard and Data, is Jesus Christ. I can be better than myself if I remain dependent on Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Data and Picard can only so much better than themselves for two reasons. First, humans beings cannot redeem or improve themselves a part from God and His offer of salvation through Jesus Christ. Whoever reads this can argue against what I've just said with me until the cows come home but the first 15 minutes of the news proves me, and the Bible, right. Human history, especially the last 100 years, have proven that humanity in and of itself can only get worse and not better. If anything, Captain Picard and Data are exceptions to the norm. Second, the majority of discouraging comments about self improvement come from human beings, even people one trusts.  Only dependence on the Father, in the name of Jesus Christ through the power of the Spirit will make me successful in my goal to always strive to be better than myself.

If humans don't try to discourage my self-improvement goals,  they try to help me by trying to cure me, which hurts more than it heals. I think there is a way for me to be better than I am that includes my aspergers just like there was a way for Paul to be better than he was that included his "thorn in the flesh" (2Corinthians 12:1-10). If Paul wasn't better with his thorn, God would no have allowed him to have it. In the same way, if God didn't think I could be better than myself with aspergers, I would not have been born with it in the first place.

Life with aspergers is the best of times, it is the worst of times. It is one of the interesting gifts God can choose to give someone, and I am content and sometimes baffled that He chose to entrust it to me. As St. Paul said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2Corinthians 12:9-10, TNIV).

Capital Punishment in the USA: Day of Execution

In the United States of America 38 states execute prisoners who are guilty of capital murder or murder in the first degree. First Degree Murder is usually charged for aggravated murder or when the murder was combined with another offence, such as sexual assault or robbery. Right now, the methods of execution are lethal injection, the electric chair, the gas chamber, and/or firing squad. The most common method is lethal injection. There are a couple of YouTube videos that take us on a walk through of lethal injection and how it is carried out, which I will be posting below.  The next most common method is the electric chair, which is still practices in a few States, and one of the videos will record some of the botched executions of the two methods.

Execution by Lethal Injection
What Happens on Execution Day:


Brief History and Examples of Botched Executions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kouJWRK-j_U


Movie: Dead Man Walking Execution Scene
  

Execution by the Electric Chair
What happens on Execution Day:
 
 
Brief History and Examples of Botched Executions
 

Does it bring Peace to the victims?
VA Man sees Wife's Killer Executed


Execution Film
Even if a state condemns a person to death, God still holds the keys to life and death. One example of how He intervened is in the life of William (Billy) Neal Moore. He was on death row for 16 years for armed robbery and murder. During his stay, ministers came to him and introduced him to Jesus Christ. He accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour and was baptized in prison. As the apostle Paul said, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2Corinthians 5:17).

He was not executed by the electric chair. Instead the parole board commuted his sentence to a life sentence and then released him in 1992. To them, the other inmates, and even Mother Theresa he was no longer the condemned murder but a saved Christian. Right now he is in Rome, Georgia serving as a pastor. Proof that Jesus Christ can change even the worst members of society.

Video Interviews with Billy Moore
Interview with Billy Moore

Billy Moore's Life Story in Development with Ghost Rider Pictures

Finally, here's a link to an article about him- http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/apr/23/prisonsandprobation. He is also featured in Lee Stroble's Case for Faith, which is the sequel to Case for Christ.

My Life with Aspergers

 When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with a mild form of asperger syndrome, which is a high functioning autism. People with aspergers have an average to high IQ, have trouble understanding non-verbal cues and social norms, can be obsessive-compulsive, and can have physical clumsiness and an atypical use of language. People with it are usually very strong introverts, which can get to the point where we can spend hours- even days- without any social contact and not give it a 2nd thought.

Aspergers did not make my grade school career easy because I was certainly not normal. When I first received my diagnosis I hated it because to me it was like I had a disease for which there was no cure. Because I've grown and matured as a young woman and as Christian, I am comfortable and OK with it. I am even sometimes thankful that God gave me aspergers because it gives  me an independent streak that has gotten me out of sticky situations.

Prior to entering post-secondary education, my social life was null for the most part. I had only 1 friend during high school, and everyone else disregarded me. Everything changed when I started university, because people are much more tolerant and accepting of those who are different in terms of their physical, mental, and social limitations. It also helped that I was blessed to have a mild form of aspergers to the point where there are times when even I forget that I have it! Unfortunately, my memory returns every Sunday because I find that no matter what church I go to, I always get uncomfortable being around all those people.

For me, going to church is hell because it's constant social interaction and I feel very uncomfortable when I am run into the kind of social interaction I get at church. Often this discomfort gets to the point where I want to run out the door. This is in sharp comparison to how I feel when I'm at school and around my peers.  Like church, my school is a strong Christian environment that is designed to foster and encourage spiritual growth as well as academic growth because it is a Bible College. Part of the reason I'd much rather be socializing with my peers is that I have a lot more reasons to do so than just for the sake of socializing.

The majority of people who have aspergers, like me, do not naturally socialize. For example, the first thing I want to do after my last exam before the summer is to go to my room and play my video games alone and not go hang out with my friends. Another example is that as soon as we're done opening Christmas presents, my first impulse is to wander off and look at the things I received by myself instead of hanging around with my family.  I find that my friends at school are more comfortable with me preferring to go off on my own  as than my family is. I've also found that my church family is like my earthly family in that it was more designed for the extroverts and natural socializers as opposed to the introverts and natural loners. This is something I've observed over the years between the different social circles I interact with. This lack of understanding can be frustrating at times, because a lot of the people I interact with on a regular basis have known that I have aspergers for a long time but seem to choose to not acknowledge it.

Going to church, talking with people after class, or going to a family reunion means I have to fight a large part of me that does not want to socialize. It's not those social groups themselves that make me want to run away, but the socializing. What causes me to warm up to socializing a lot more is when the people who I socialize with understand me. My current friends at school do understand me in more ways then 1. First, we all have Jesus Christ in common. What's nice about going to a Bible College like Emmanuel is that almost everybody's first and most important priority is their faith in Jesus Christ (I say almost because there are people who go there, where Jesus Christ is at the bottom of their priorities). Not only does that make them more understanding, I also find that it is what causes them to be more celebrating and more appreciative of differences because they all believe God created people to be different. Second, they understand me because we are a part of the same generation so our interests, values, and experiences within society as a whole are pretty much the same. Third, they are some of the few people I've met that have really tried to understand what it means to have aspergers. I've encountered people, both family and non-family, who've ignored it, tried to explain it away or make it less than what it is, have tried to cure me and make it go away, say they understand it but refuse to make some accommodations for it, fail to see how I can be better than my diagnosis, and/or they pick and choose what parts of it they'll accept and then lose patience or disregard the rest. Not my friends at school. 

I have to be honest, about 50% of the stuff in the list has come from my earthly family. This has turned my off interacting with a lot of people in my heavenly/Christian family because if I can't find some degree of tolerance and understanding in my earthly family then why should I expect to find it in my heavenly family? Tolerance and understanding, something that so many people who have a liberal view of things advocate for, yet I've had to fight for and I am still fighting for in my mostly liberal family... and a family that will probably deny this completely when and if they read this but can they really get mad at me for commenting on what I've observed and experienced over the years? Not really. And they should know it's not just them. I've received this kind of treatment from people I've met at church too and from my non-church friends.Furthermore, they have loved in ways that my peers in all walks of my life have fallen short in and they do understand me in ways that my peers don't.

The need for understanding is something that I don't get at church. First, a lot of the people that talk to me are not in my age group. Although, we do have Jesus Christ in common, there is a difference between how Jesus interacts with someone in their mid-life and older as opposed to how He interacts with young adults. God meets people where they are at, and there is a difference between where a 20 year old and 40 year-old are at. Second, I find that a lot of people at church want to get to know me on a more personal level too quickly. This would not be so bad if they didn't automatically ask me really personal questions, like how I came to know the Lord. My faith story is a bit more personal than others, and  it doesn't make sense if I try to leave the more personal parts out. If you combine that with the impression I have that if you don't give them an answer, you are looked down upon. 

This is true about your faith story, and even about whether you are completely honest about your week on say the first day of a small group. If I don't want to share, I don't want to share. If I don't want to hug people, I don't want to hug people. At school I have the option to share or hug people, or to not share and hug people. At church, I don't think I really have that choice or I'm frowned upon if I choose to exercise it and keep quiet about my life or refuse to hug someone. No, for people like me, we need time to get to know people more and develop real trust. I will never be comfortable sharing my faith story with someone I've only known for 5 minutes, it's as simple as that.

Another thing that turns me off is hugging. Again, if I've only known you for 5 minutes or a couple of days, I don't want to be hugged by you. Unfortunately, I almost always get the impression that talking and hugging are not optional but required in order to be a a part of the community. When I'm with my friends at school I am allowed to say Please go away or I really don't want to talk right now. People at school know when and how to keep their distance, and  they still welcome me into the community as their friend! Why can't church be like that too? People at church , and a lot of other Christian-specific places never understand that I have boundaries and they never figure it out when they are crossing them. And when they want to hug me, they just hug me! There is no seeing whether I want to accept the invitation or not, they just hug and expect me to hug back. Then I try to figure out on Saturday night why  I want to do church on Sunday morning, because there are plenty of reasons why I do not.

Another thing that really gets me mad is that people will read a blog article like this, see me reject their hug, and/or my refusing to talk and they get all mad and look down upon me even though whether I do or don't do those above things is my choice to make. It was always me who was going to see the guidance counsellor while I was in elementary school, or I was the one who needed to change and learn to ignore people, and not my peers who treated me like I was less than crap every single day. This seems to be true about a lot of things: I'm the one who is always wrong and always has the problem, and never the people I am interacting with. In fact this is true for people who have a disability or a syndrome that affects how we socialize and interact with other people- it's always the person who's an introvert, or the one with aspergers, or the one who's blind, or the one who has autism who always has the problem in any situation and never the people who want to hug us, talk to us, tease us, and/or ignore us.

Ah Saturday night. It's the night where the battle over whether I should make the trek to church occurs every week. Sometimes I'm at church the following morning and sometimes I'm not. It's a battle that only fellow brothers and sisters with aspergers would understand. It gets annoying when people who don't have aspergers try to give me advice about how "fix" my tendencies and help me "win" my Saturday evening battle. I know, at least I think I know, that you all want to help but with all do respect, you don't know what you're talking about. Aspergers is not a disease that is affecting my body and once the disease is removed everything goes back to normal. Aspergers is a part of my being that affects everything, including my relationship with God, and it is something that cannot really be "cured". It is controllable and it can be managed, but all the control and management in the world won't get rid of it completely.

If I could summarize how aspergers has affected my so far 21 years of life, I would use the opening to one of Charles Dickens' greatest works, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."- Opening paragraph of a "Tale of Two Cities".

As my life continues, I hope to strive to be better than who I am now. This is true in my relationship with God, my relationship with others, and my relationship with my aspergers. I like to consider myself like Captain Picard and the android, Data in Star Trek: Nemesis. In the movie, Data discovers a prototype android, B4, that looks exactly like him and Picard encounters his clone, Shinzon. In many ways B4 and Shinzon are exact replicas of Picard and Data to the point where for Picard and Data to look at Shinzon and B4 in the eye is to look in a mirror. However, they are not them because Picard and Data strive to be better than they were, Shinzon and B4 did not. The one thing, or rather the One Person, that separates me from Picard and Data, is Jesus Christ. I can be better than myself if I remain dependent on Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Data and Picard can only so much better than themselves for two reasons. First, humans beings cannot redeem or improve themselves a part from God and His offer of salvation through Jesus Christ. Whoever reads this can argue against what I've just said with me until the cows come home but the first 15 minutes of the news proves me, and the Bible, right. Human history, especially the last 100 years, have proven that humanity in and of itself can only get worse and not better. If anything, Captain Picard and Data are exceptions to the norm. Second, the majority of discouraging comments about self improvement come from human beings, even people one trusts.  Only dependence on the Father, in the name of Jesus Christ through the power of the Spirit will make me successful in my goal to always strive to be better than myself.

If humans don't try to discourage my self-improvement goals,  they try to help me by trying to cure me, which hurts more than it heals. I think there is a way for me to be better than I am that includes my aspergers just like there was a way for Paul to be better than he was that included his "thorn in the flesh" (2Corinthians 12:1-10). If Paul wasn't better with his thorn, God would no have allowed him to have it. In the same way, if God didn't think I could be better than myself with aspergers, I would not have been born with it in the first place.

Life with aspergers is the best of times, it is the worst of times. It is one of the interesting gifts God can choose to give someone, and I am content and sometimes baffled that He chose to entrust it to me. As St. Paul said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2Corinthians 12:9-10, TNIV).